All in the Life of a Loud
by AberrantScript
Summary: This is a collection of dark, disturbing, erotic, or insane story ideas; each with a touch of humor sprinkled in. Now featuring cute and innocent oneshots.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:**

These are just a random assortment of snippets, all obviously AU and completely unrelated to each other. Honestly, I have no idea if any of these have been written before, though the Ronnie Anna and Luan Loud scene was inspired by JumpJump's comic. The chosen genre is humor because, let's face it, I'm insane and find all of these hilarious. However, other genres will pop up now and then. I do plan to add to this every now and then, though that will happen only occasionally.

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _Funny Bone_

Lincoln was baffled when he heard strange sounds coming from Luna and Luan's room.

"Hey, Lisa, do you think that's one of Luan's pranks?"

She sighed. "No, Lincoln."

Then, a particularly clear, loud moan escaped one of their mouths.

Suddenly blushing, his mouth wide open in shock, Lincoln could only babble inanely.

"Yes, our dear sisters have been procreating like rabbits for weeks on end."

That shocked Lincoln out of his stupor.

"But, wait, two girls can't make a baby."

Lisa rubbed at her glasses. "Which is exactly what I told them. Fortunately, science was able to solve their dilemma. "

"Wha-!?"

"Yep, should make for an interesting case study."

"Wait, but then, who has the... you know...?"

"You can't guess? Luan hasn't been able to shut up about her _funny bone_ for weeks."

* * *

 _What's So Funny?_

Ronnie Anne watched as the groggy girl chained up before her slowly opened her eyes.

"G'morning, loser, did you sleep well?" Her grin was dripping with malice.

The girl, spreadeagled against a wall, the cuffs digging into her wrists and ankles, only chuckled and looked up defiantly. Her long brown hair was in a mess, cascading haphazardly down her shoulder, her braces glinting in the light.

"You know what's so funny about that question?"

Ronnie Anne's eyes narrowed. "That you're about to die, Luan?"

Luan chuckled. "Good one!" Then, she smirked. "But actually I did sleep well, very well, in fact, just the other day with your boyfriend... Lincoln. And, boy, did we _sleep well_ together!"

And as Luan laughed hysterically, shedding a few tears, Ronnie Anne put on brass knuckles, reached back, and, with a fierce growl, swung with all her might.

* * *

 _Hump Day_

Lincoln was busy reading a comic on his bed, wearing nothing but his underwear, when a knock sounded at his door.

"Who is it?" he called, his eyes not leaving the comic.

Leni's head popped through the doorway. "Hey, Lincy!"

Sparing a quick glance at his older sister before he became engrossed with his comic again, he smiled at her. "Hi, Leni. Did you want something?"

He turned his eyes back to the comic, missing her smiling cutely at him.

"I wanted to spend the day with you, Lincy. Today's a special day!" She closed the door behind her, taking a few steps closer to her brother.

He flipped a page. "What's special about today?"

She quickly stripped herself down to her birthday suit, leaving only her sunglasses and her brilliant smile. "Oh, today's Wednesday, silly!"

Trapped within the pages of an epic fight scene, he ignored his sister as she set on his bed.

Realizing her brother was practically in a trance, she helpfully rid him of his one piece of clothing, tossing it on the floor with her own clothes.

Leaning closer to him, her bare chest rubbing against his comic, she giggled. "And I wanna spend it with you, and only you."

His sister's presence completely forgotten, Lincoln nearly screamed when he was suddenly shoved down to his bed, his comic knocked off onto the floor. He felt a weight pin him down to the mattress as pillow-soft lips claimed his mouth in an instant. His eyes blew open wide in shock.

"What in the earth are you doing? And _where are your clothes!?_ "

Giggling at his cuteness, she leaned back up. "Aren't you interested in what happened to your underwear, Lincy?" She winked at him.

Looking down, he saw she was right. But noticing how _aligned_ they were together, he gulped loudly. "S-so, w-what are you doing, L-Leni?"

Lifting herself up slightly, she relished in Lincoln's blush, the desire in his eyes.

"Today's _hump day_ , Lincoln. And we're celebrating."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _Trapped_

The sound of the door locking was almost deafening to the two now-trapped within the darkness of the closet.

The both let out sighs of frustrations, knowing that it would be hours before anyone would find them. Their phones not with them, and no reason to think any other students would remain at the school after hours, they had no choice but to wait it out until they heard a janitor.

But they had another problem.

The room was incredibly hot.

Pulling on the collar of her jersey, Lynn huffed. "It's too hot for this."

 _This_ being her and her only brother having to stand close to each other as the closet was a bit small.

Lincoln chuckled. "What's wrong, Lynn? The heat beating you already?"

She smirked, her eyebrows curving downward at the challenge. "Oh, I can definitely survive this longer than you can. I just need to take a different approach."

He heard his sister shuffling around, felt an elbow knock into him. "Ow- what are you doing?"

Then, he felt bare skin against his arm. Where he knew her stomach should be. Where a shirt should be!

"Lynn! What do you think you're doing!?" The heat of his flushing face and neck wasn't helping his predicament!

"I'm taking a different approach, Lincoln."

Then, he felt a soft strap slide across his arm on its way to the ground.

His audible gulp rang in his ears.

"W-was that your b-bra?"

She chuckled. "Yeah, so?"

He shivered in fear. _Don't do it. Don't. Do. It._

Lynn was shuffling again, leaning over and pushing her backside against her brother as she divested herself of her remaining clothes.

 _Don't do-_

"Uh, Lincoln?"

His voice cracked, "Y-yeah?"

"Is that a baseball bat you have there?"

She grinded against him. _Oh gosh._

"N-n-no, Lynn." He turned his head away, unable to control his body's reactions to his situation and stimulation.

"What could it possibly- _oh._ "

She went back to standing, giving her brother temporary relief.

"So, is _that_ because of me?"

He could hear how vulnerable her tone was. He sighed, still blushing.

"Yes, Lynn. It is."

Hours later, the door finally opened, letting two naked teenagers fall onto the hallway floor. Grabbing their clothes, they ran as quickly as they could, keeping their faces as hidden as possible.

The janitor stared in shock and awe at the sheer amount of unmistakable fluids covering every square inch of the closet- even the ceiling.

"They don't pay me enough for this."

* * *

 _Vampiric Love_

They said it couldn't be done.

It was an abomination.

He wasn't real.

Magic is only a fool's dream.

True love is a dying wish.

But she knew the truth.

She could feel their love with each passionate kiss they shared.

All it took was a simple spell; a long sought-after spell in an ancient book.

But here she is with her beloved.

And she couldn't be happier.

And as she gazed through her dark bangs into the undead eyes of her vampiric husband, she could only grin, her own two fangs peeking out.

"Oh, Edwin. It's good to be undead."

* * *

 _Good Little Neko-Girls_

"Girls," called the boy as he trudged down the steps into the basement, "it's time for dinner!"

Flipping on the lights, he caught the adorable sight of his five older sisters twirling, pawing, mewling, and curling for his attention.

Inside their shared kennel in the corner by the washer, the girls had distinguishing features that set them apart; made them special.

Their cat tail and ears perked up as they watched their master dump food into their bowls. Their little claws and sharp teeth glinted in excitement as he moved in front of the door.

And their hearts pounded as each gave out a soulful meow in love and affection for the object of all their hopes and dreams.

"Have you been good girls today?" He walked into their cage, closing the door.

Letting out pleasurable mewls as their younger brother scratched behind their ears, rubbed their stomachs, and caressed their backs, they would say and do anything to keep him there with them.

"Yes, we were amazing today," spoke up Lori. Right after moaning in ecstasy as Lincoln scratched under her chin.

"That's good. How could a brother get as lucky as me to have such obedient beauties as my sisters?"

The five circled around him, their tails sticking upwards in anticipation for what's next.

 _What brother would be as lucky as he, indeed!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes:**

Just a few short mentions for these drabbles. Our deliciously submissive dog!Lynn was inspired by Archemios' _A Loudcest Story_ (Chapter 5), though she is much less submissive in that story. The second story references the ever-popular (and extremely _hilarious!_ ) yandere!Luan, as portrayed by JumpJump and about a million other artists and authors, and also the comic, _Pantless_. The final story was inspired by an intriguing question...

So, a sultry Lori looks down at her begging siblings and asks, "What are you _willing to do_ for a car ride?"

My answer? A lot, apparently.

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _Heel!_

"Heel!"

An abrupt choke sounded as the leash was pulled taut.

She turned her eyes onto her master, wide and unnerved.

"Arf?"

He gave her a reassuring pat on the head, right between her two brown dog ears; them perking up at the gentle touch.

"Stay close to my side, girl."

She nodded her head, then shook her brown hair into a light mess. She panted as she stared at him with adoring, huge eyes.

"Now, let's get to the park and play some frisbee. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

She sat down on her haunches, crinkling her red shorts and #1 jersey.

"Bark! _Bark! BARK!_ "

"I guess you're really excited about that."

He chuckled, adjusting his ruffled orange shirt.

"Let's go."

She gladly fell in stride with her master's steps, her tongue lolling out of her mouth.

"And if you're a good girl, Lynn, master will give you a nice treat later."

* * *

 _Researching Loudcest_

"Lola, what are you reading?" Lana asked as she shut their door.

Her twin slammed on the mouse, closing the browser window, before turning a guilty smile on her sister.

But it was too late, Lana had already caught a word.

"What is _loudcest_?"

With a sigh, Lola opened up their browser and let her search it.

(A few stories and comics later)

"My gosh, why do people think our siblings do that together?"

Lola shrugged.

"Why do they think Luan is nuts like that!?"

"Wait-! How in the earth did Lincoln make us pregnant! _We're only six years old!_ "

Then, she turned sharply on her sister.

"AND WHY ARE YOU READING THIS, LOLA!?"

Lola sighed.

"I was researching."

Lana was perplexed.

"Researching what?"

"Well, last night I saw our six older sisters follow Lincoln into his bedroom and they didn't come back out. Later, when I needed to visit the little girl's room, I was hearing strange noises."

Lana's gobsmacked face would have been funny on any other day.

"At first I thought it was another sibling club, but then I discovered our own fandom… and, well… now, I'm not so sure…"

"Hold on a minute! You think our sweet, innocent, occasionally stupid brother managed to wrangle all six of our sisters into his own personal harem, and that they aren't killing each other over who gets to have him?"

Lola chuckled and opened her mouth to reply-

But stopped short when their door was thrown open.

"You know, girls. That actually was a new sibling club I started. And since we now know you're both mature enough to understand what's going on, we're here to initiate you."

They fainted at the sight of their naked siblings strutting towards them, spearheaded by Lincoln, metaphorically and... _physically_.

* * *

 _What Would You Do For a Ride?_

It was an ordinary day for Lori.

Her siblings were busy tending to her chores in exchange for car rides to their favorite places.

Her adorable _Booboo Bear_ was texting her nonstop.

And the massage she was getting was relieving her stress in the most glorious of ways.

"Oh, that's right. _Ah!_ Right there…! _OH!_ Y-y-yeah…"

She lifted her phone just a bit to see Luan between her legs, lapping at her core like a thirsty cat.

"Good job, Luan. If you can finish me in two minutes, we'll go to your stop first."

Luan winked up at her oldest sister.

"You know, Luna always said my mouth is good for more than just telling jokes."

As Lori felt a strong squeeze to her chest by two calloused hands, she turned slightly to see Luna behind her, her half-lidded eyes twinkling in amusement.

"Right you are, sis."

Then, Lori turned back around, to see a bare-naked Leni riding hard against her lower leg, using Luan's back for support.

"Oh. Oh! _L-Lori-!_ _Ahh!_ This is totes your best idea- _EVER!_ "

And as she felt herself approaching that sweet cliff, ready to jump off and never return, Lori looked into her doorway, seeing Lynn, Lincoln, and Lucy panting and pink-faced.

She blew a kiss at them.

"You guys are next. Let's see if you can do a better job than these pros."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes:**

Where do I start? I don't even have words to describe my feelings toward the Ronnie Anne x Lincoln story. I was literally just reading a story about them being cute together when _that song_ came on and I just realized... good gosh, Ronnie Anne would be the dom to Lincoln's sub. And then I took it a step further. A big step further.

The second story is basically a play on words. A disturbing twist anyway. And the third story is basically the inverse of virtually all mainstream loudcest stories.

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017); _Hurts So Good_ by John Cougar (1982)

* * *

 _Innocence_

Imagine to yourself… the family living room, the furniture is pushed against the walls. Lit candles are scattered about the room, casting an eerie glow with flickering shadows. The classic rock song, _Hurts So Good_ , is playing softly in the background.

In the center of the room is a silk rug.

And on this rug, there's Lincoln. In a cottony, lamb costume and chained to the floor. He is struggling against his bindings to no avail, trying to scream through the gag that's been forced into his mouth.

 _Come on, baby, make it hurt so good._

Beside this rug is a table.

And on this table are numerous… domination toys.

 _Sometimes love don't feel like it should..._

That's when I walk in, my hands in the pockets of my purple hoodie. My black ponytail trails behind me as I circle my prey… my squirming, delicious prey.

 _Don't have to be so excitin'..._

There's a hunger in my eyes, like a starving wolf that has finally cornered her meal. And my lamb freezes, pinned to the ground by the raging desire pouring out of me, as I strip off my shorts and underwear.

 _You always look so invitin'..._

I pounce on him suddenly, ripping the _fur_ from his groin, and impale myself on him in one swift move… my beloved gives out a silent scream as my teeth find their home in the crook of his neck.

 _Sink your teeth right through my bones, baby..._

That is the dream I've been having for weeks now. And no amount of angry punches or gnashing teeth or abrupt yelling will take away my feelings.

I'm Ronnie Anne Santiago. I'm hopelessly in love with my boyfriend, Lincoln.

But what he doesn't know is that I harbor a dark hunger for him.

You see, I do love my boyfriend with all my heart... but it was his innocence that I feel _in lust_ with.

My soul begs me to tie him down and defile his purity, to rip the innocence out of his body.

I want to rape him, and take him, and force him… until he has unwillingly impregnated me with his child.

I will make him fall hopeless _in lust_ with me, too, and he'll have no choice in the matter.

And, then, together we'll destroy our sacred innocence.

How's that for a fetish, guys?

* * *

 _Dirty Coconuts_

"Hey, Luan, how did Mr. Coconuts get his name?"

"Well, for his coconuts, of course!"

"Your puppet has coconuts?"

"Sure he does! Right here."

"..."

"..."

"Good Lord, how does he hide those monstrosities in his pants?"

"Oh, I give him a little help."

"How so?"

"A well placed squeeze here, a tug there, a twist in between... you get the idea."

"I've gotta know, Luan, what's the best thing about his coconuts?"

"That's easy! The fact that I can share them with my siblings."

"..."

"We can grind them, milk them, suck on them, drink them up until we're full... even Lily, she loves guzzling down that coconut milk until there's almost nothing left."

"..."

"And Lincoln... wow! He just goes at them so hard, like there's this intensely-raw sexual drive pushing him forward and he can't stop himself from latching onto those things like a newborn baby on its bottle... sometimes I feel bad for Ronnie Anne, the way she looks so jealous whenever he gets ahold of one."

"...wow."

"Mmhmm. But don't worry. I always fill up his stock when we go to the grocery store."

* * *

 _Testing Hypotheses_

"LISA!" the young boy screamed at the top of his lungs, "What in the world did you do to my boy parts!?"

Lisa sighed, annoyed at her only brother's stupidity.

"I told you already Lincoln- er, _Linka..._ I surgically upgraded you to the female species for my experiment."

He, uh, _she_ broke down in tears, her hands holding onto the tiny mounds supported by the training bra she had to borrow from Lynn that morning... all thanks to Lisa.

"Speaking of experiment... all of your male siblings are ready to begin."

Linka turned to Lisa's doorway to see her eight siste- _brothers_ standing there.

They were ogling her, sizing her up like a piece of meat. Linka could even see noticeable bulges forming in the pants of all of them.

"What are you going to do to me, guys?" She latched onto Lisa. "What are they going to do to me!?"

Lisa huffed in frustration. "I've already told you that I wanted to test my hypothesis on incestual mating."

The color in Linka's face drained to a ghostly-white.

Luna stepped forward. "Don't worry, sis. We'll be gentle with you."

Leni smiled encouragingly. "Yeah, it'll be fun for all of us! And we'll go at your pace."

Lynn's eyebrows pointed down deviously. "But I'm betting I'm the one who gets a hole-in-one. Ha-ha-ha!"

At Linka's disturbed gaze, Lisa chuckled nervously.

"I guess I forgot that tiny, little detail... the test ends once one of them impregnates you."

" _WHAT!?_ "

Linka rounded on each of her brothers and Lisa.

"And why couldn't I just knock all of you up!?"

Lori smirked at his gaping face. "We all voted at the sibling meeting, and you were chosen to take one for the team... _literally_."

Lisa smiled up at her brother-turned-sister. "Besides... Lincoln having a harem with most of his sisters, and causing them to have babies? _Way too mainstream!_ "

As her brothers began stripping down to just their _bare essentials_ , Linka could only agree.

 _I mean, have you seen the kind of sick stuff people write about my family? I just, can't even..._


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes:**

So, here's another set a story ideas. However, I have learnt through the reviews that some warnings would be helpful... So, if the idea of implied rape/forced impregnation isn't your cup of tea, then I'd ignore the last story completely. (While it is meant to be funny, and doesn't depict any actions whatsoever, the warning is still there.)

Now, the first story is inspired by one of the greatest yandere characters of all time! While I personally imagined Lynn as the insane sister in this story, I left it so that any older sister could fill the role. And kudos to anyone who knows the scene that inspired that story! The second story was inspired by Lori's iconic riding crop. I don't know if it's ever been written before... but I've not seen it if so. Finally, the third story is about an evil!Lily, which I've honestly never seen done before either. It's a bit cliche, but eh whatever.

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _We Will Become One_

Lincoln was huddled in the corner of his room. Tears were falling freely down his face as he hugged his knees to his chin, rocking back and forth as he muttered to himself. He was quivering in his ripped up clothing.

He was just beginning to calm down when someone started pounding on his door, throwing him back into anxious rocking as his eyes went wide.

" _Little brother…!_ "

He turned his neck around sharply to look at his door; seeing his barricade still intact. His bed and dresser pushed firmly against it. To keep _her_ out.

Lincoln could only shiver in fear as his whole wall began to shake from the forceful knocking at his door.

" _Let me in, little brother!_ "

He sobbed loudly. "Just go away!"

She stopped the crazed rattling of the door handle just long enough to run her nails down the wooden frame; her fingernails digging tracks into the panel and leaving a trail of blood behind them. The sound grated against his ears; his spine was quivering in fear.

" _We will become one, Linc! So, quit being a jerk and let me in!_ "

She thrashed against the door; the sound of his bed crashing down as the door gave way a little stopped his heart cold. He saw one beady eye peeking in at him.

" _We are meant to be together, little brother~!_ "

Her arm reached inside, her fingers scratching at the dresser, but they were retracted when he threw a book at her.

"Go away! GO AWAY!" he cried, curling into a ball on the floor.

She hissed at him. " _You will be mine someday._ "

And she stalked off to her room as Lincoln say crying; wondering how someone so beautiful could be so insane.

* * *

 _Mistress Leni_

It was a weekend night. All was calm. Their parents' date night was a success, and Lori was unwinding from the stressful evening she'd had strangling every ounce of freedom her siblings tried to express.

Ah, it was a tiring experience. And one she didn't enjoy very much at all.

But that all changed once she and Leni made it halfway through puberty together.

Her other siblings ever questioned why she suddenly started sporting a riding crop at fifteen years old.

But every time she'd look at Leni she'd see that blazing expression reserved only for her, and she'd shiver in anticipation.

Oh, gosh, her parents could never come home soon enough.

But now the night was all theirs. The others are in bed. Mom and dad are home.

And Leni…

Leni just walked into their room, locked the door, and brandished the riding crop Lori had paraded around all night… _just for Leni_.

But Lori tried ignoring her. Tried to keep texting.

Leni would have none of that.

Lori eeped when the whip smacked her bed suddenly.

"You will keep your eyes on me when I enter this room, Lori."

She looked up into the domineering eyes of her younger sister; Leni trying to be cold and cruel, but a twinkle still in her eyes.

"Y-yes."

This time Leni whipped her, and Lori had to muffle her scream with her arm.

"Yes, what?"

Shivering in excitement, Lori looked into her sister's eyes and pledged herself.

"Yes, my mistress."

Leni nodded in approval.

"Good girl. Now strip down and worship your mistress… and if you're good, I may just reward you."

* * *

 _Alien Babies_

Lily was all alone in her crib. Her family thought she was taking a nap, but the poor fools didn't know the truth. And that only made Lily smile wider.

Oh, sure, they thought they were having another sister, another baby in the family.

They couldn't have known that their memories were changed, twisted…

Then, suddenly Lily was there, and none were the wiser because they had waited nine months for her, were expecting her at any moment.

 _The fools…_

And now, she took out her baby rattle and opened it up and began pressing buttons.

Those idiots didn't know about their plan.

How she was sent here to perform tests on the Loud daughters…

To determine which ones would make good factories for alien offspring…

In her mind's eye, she saw the five oldest, the only ones at a fertile age.

Lily laughed again. _With their wombs, we shall conquer the world!_

Lisa walked in. "What's funny, Lily?"

Lily's eyes went unnaturally blank and wide. "Agoo?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes:**

These ideas were inspired by Flagg1991. I loved his Nazi Lisa so much I thought I'd give her a shot or two! Anyway, just so you guys know, I don't, in fact, advocate Nazi ideology. This is just a little something called _fiction_.

 _Reader be advised_ _:_ These oneshots are offensive, disgusting, disturbing, and cruel. If you laugh, then you might need some professional help. (Wink!) If they upset you deeply, well you can't say I didn't warn you.

Now, on with the show!

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _Nazi Lisa: Part 1_

Lincoln whistled a merry tune as he strolled up the steps all willy-nilly. His day was pretty good. Got a new comic. Aced that really hard math test. Dodged Ronnie Anne's fifth attempt to stuff a sloppy joe down his pants...!

He grinned at the ceiling dorkishly. Things were really looking up for our completely unsuspecting, innocent, naive, probably-albino boy.

That is... until he heard a strange buzzing from Lisa and Lily's room.

With a crooked head, he stepped over and slowly opened the door.

His mouth fell open when he saw dozens of babies literally everywhere.

He saw brown-haired ones sitting under a UV lamp...

He saw blonde-haired ones sitting in a row before Lily's crib with red sashes around their bodies...

Little swastikas were stitched into the fabrics...

And Lisa... she was standing in the middle of the room, wearing dark grey trousers, high black boots, a grey service jacket with black girdle, and a black cap. A proud eagle bearing the swastika betwixt its talons was emblazoned on the front of her cap... and the lightning-patterned _SS_ was stitched into her neck collar on both sides.

Beside her, Lily was holding a bust of Adolf Hitler, staring at it with a strange gleam in her eyes.

Lisa was reading from a book in her palms.

" _If Nature does not wish that weaker individuals should mate with the stronger, she wishes even less that a superior race should intermingle with an inferior one-_ "

Lincoln announced his presence with a piercing shriek!

Lisa turned to the door blandly. "Oh, Lincoln, you're just the person I needed to see."

Lincoln stumbled over his feet as he felt the door suddenly shut him in.

"Lisa! Why are there so many babies in here!?"

She deadpanned, "To rebuild the Superior Race, duh."

His mouth hung open, letting a fly land on his lip. It rubbed its front legs together evilly.

Lisa strolled around the room.

"These brown-haired inferiors are close, but not _perfect._ So, I'm trying to bleach the bad DNA out of their bodies and replacing it with purity."

At Lincoln's continued stupor, Lisa sighed.

"Basically, I'm turning their hair blonde because brown is one of the colors of hell."

"B-b-but, Lisa, your hair is brown!"

She sighed, pulling the cap off her head and holding it to her chest.

"Yes, I'm aware of my own deficiency. I can only pray _mein Führer_ will accept me with open arms once he's seen everything I've done in his name."

She took a steadying breath, stuffing her tears deep inside her body. Then, she returned the cap to her head and aboutfaced.

"Over here are the pure specimens. Notice how each has blue eyes and blonde hair... the colors of perfection, of racial heaven."

Then, she turned to face her brother with a thin-lipped smile.

"Which is why I needed to see you. You see, Lincoln, you're the epitome of the Aryan race. Your skin is flawlessly pale. Your blue eyes inspire us to reach to the very heavens. Even your hair is as pure as can possibly be!"

She stepped up to him and found herself blushing faintly.

"I need your sperm, Lincoln."

He nearly screamed in shock. " _My WHAT!?_ "

"It's for the greater good of mankind-"

They were interrupted by a cute giggle.

Both siblings turned and saw Lily holding Hitler's face right up to her parted lips, her tongue nearly raking across his nose.

Lisa glared furiously, pulling a Mauser from an inner pocket.

"I swear to Goebbels, Lily, you will be my first test subject in the gas chamber I made from the basement boiler!"

* * *

 _Nazi Lisa: Part 2_

In the basement, Luan was strapped to a wooden chair with leather bindings. Two insulated wires were attached to her feet with clamps, two more taped to her forehead.

Lisa, in her _Schutzstaffel_ service uniform, brought up a syringe and, with a completely blank gaze, sunk two inches of chilly needle into Luan's stiff neck.

Luan came to with a sudden gasping scream.

"Good, you're finally awake."

Lisa walked over to a wooden platform and stepped onto it.

Luan looked frantically around, trying to pull her hands and legs free to no avail.

" _Where am I!?_ "

Lisa donned a pair of thick rubber gloves.

"Beginning experiment #9. Test subject is conscious and stabilized."

" _Lisa! What's going on!?_ "

Lisa checked all the dials and connections twice over, before she finally turned her attention to the squirming teenager.

"Subject #12-4, I will ask you questions and you will answer them."

" _Let me go, Lise!_ "

A gleam flashed across Lisa's glasses.

"What caused the Black Plague?"

Luan stared at her sister dumbly.

"Uh, rats?"

She suddenly seized up, her fingers and toes curling in on themselves, her body spasming and jerking in place.

Above her, an incandescent bulb flickered.

Lisa's gloved hand threw the switch back down, and Luan's quivering body fell forward.

Luan tried to catch her breath, the ghostly pain of electrocution causing her limbs to jerk involuntarily every few seconds.

"It was flea-bitten Jews that caused the Black Plague. Next question."

Luan glanced up at her sister dumbly, her lungs heaving, her heart racing.

"What caused hurricane Katrina?"

"Uh, a tropical depression?"

She jerked again, her skin burning on her forehead and feet.

"No. That was God punishing America for helping Jews. Next question."

Luan nodded numbly, momentarily losing the feeling in several places in her body... She felt almost like she was floating.

"What has caused every catastrophe in human history?"

Luan suddenly giggled, biting her lip for just a moment before she burst out into laughter.

Lisa glared at her, another flash racing across her glasses, as she pulled her handy-dandy Mauser from the breastpocket.

"What's so funny, Luan?"

Luan tilted her weary head up, feeling her skin sting beneath the wires.

"I was going to tell you a Jewish joke... but I'm sure you've already heard it _six million times_."

Lisa grinned widely as Luan laughed herself to unconsciousness.

"Ah, racial purity is a beautiful thing~"

She turned to a bookshelf in the corner of the basement and lifted a framed picture of the late dictator. She ran a finger lovingly down its sides.

"If this is the closest we can be, then so be it."

And she tore off her uniform and made love to Hitler's photograph until the rising sun blushed in shame at the horrific scene.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes:**

Nazi!Lisa is all Flagg1991's creation (In _Not So Beautiful Corruption_ ). I'm merely borrowing her for my own sick pleasure. Haha!

These oneshots are designed to be sequels of sorts to Flagg's _The Loud House Catch-All Drawer_ (Chapter 19), which in turn are sort of sequels to my previous chapter. Really, they can all be read separately as standalone stories, but why not head over to Flagg's and read what Lisa did there first? Trust me, it's more enjoyable getting the whole demented picture!

 _Reader be advised_ _:_ Nazi!Lisa ahead... need I say more?

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _Nazi Lisa: Part 3_

Leni bobbed her head side to side as she took the stairs, one step at a time, to the basement. At the bottom, she tilted her head to the side.

Lisa was standing beside the boiler, wearing a gas mask and an atrocious affront to modern fashion (a yucky grey uniform), her tiny hands turning a valve.

Leni caught sight of a yellow-green gas moving through a clear pipe attached to the top of the boiler. She scratched her chin.

"Uh, Lisa?"

Lisa hummed thoughtfully as fists suddenly began pounding on the metal cage.

"Yeah, Leni?"

"Are you giving Lori a bath?"

Lisa glanced down to her notepad when the distressed beating began to slow.

"Yes."

She turned toward Leni with a smile.

"Yes, I am."

Leni beamed.

"Can I have a bath next!?"

Lisa shook her head.

"Not yet. First, I have a special project just for you."

The two girls walked over to a wooden chair, an unconscious Lincoln strapped to it.

Leni gushed at his cuteness, "Aww~"

Lisa stood beside him.

"Lori didn't cooperate with this experiment, and thus needed a bath."

Leni nodded her head, her gentle eyes taking in every inch of naked eleven-year-old boy.

"So, I'm giving you a chance to take her place."

Lisa suddenly stepped toward her, taking her dress within her hands.

"Please, Leni! Lori wouldn't do it and your other sisters are either unpure or under age. You're the only one left who can birth the one true nation!"

Leni giggled, poking Lisa's nose.

"Silly Lisa, only mommies can give birth!"

Lisa ran a hand down her face.

"Just have sex with Lincoln, _please!_ "

Leni tilted her head cutely.

"What's sex?"

Lisa growled.

"Just take off your panties and sit on Lincoln!"

Leni obeyed to the letter, sitting on her brother's lap and giggling.

"NO! He has to go _inside_ your body!"

Leni tilted her head to the side and squinted her eyes at Lisa's furious face.

"Lincoln's too big to fit inside me body, Lisa. Geez, I thought _you_ were the smart one!"

Lisa gnashed her teeth as Leni's giggled filled the air. She took a deep breath.

"Leni... you know how Lincoln has that _thing_ between his legs?"

Leni bent down and looked at the twitching erection resting right against her lower lips, pressing against her.

"Mmhmm, it feels really warm~"

"Well, _that_ has to go inside... your _tummy_."

Leni lifted her dress and looked at her belly button in confusion.

"But how is _that_ gonna fit inside _this?_ "

Lisa smacked her face with a gloved hand.

"Isn't this closed?"

She drug her nails down her cheeks.

"...unless it can be opened up for _that_ to get inside, but then..."

Lisa through her head back and prayed for Hitler's guidance.

"...if this opens... _WILL MY INSIDES FALL OUT!?_ "

Lisa went to the nearest brick wall and pounded her head against the rough coarseness.

Leni giggled again, the sound grating on Lisa's nerves.

"Why are you doing that? It looks so funny!"

Lisa snarled before beating her head one final time, falling backward into unconsciousness.

* * *

 _Nazi Lisa: Part 4_

Lynn woke up to a searing pain in her neck. The first thing she saw was Lisa standing on a wooden platform in some stupid video game army outfit. Lincoln prancing around in a silly getup was one thing, but Lisa? Was it contagious or something?

"Beginning experiment #10. Subject is conscious and stabilized, _for now_."

Lynn cocked her head in confusion.

"Uh, what's going on?"

That's when she noticed she was strapped to a wooden chair in the basement.

" _HEY! Let me go!_ "

"Subject #12-6, you should feel honored."

Lynn snorted.

"Well, you should feel lucky I can't get loose and rearrange your ugly face, _yet_."

Lisa's thin lips tilted on one side.

"Indeed."

She clasped her leather-gloved hands behind her grey service jacket and stepped off the platform.

"Anyway, you will be participating in an experiment on traumatic head injuries."

Lynn watched Lisa step off to some crazy contraption of gears and pulleys and strings. Her eyes followed their path to a place above her head...

...where a small hammer was poised to crush her skull!

"LISA! _ARE YOU CRAZY!?_ "

The four-year-old girl stepped over to a bright red buttom and smiled.

"Well, one _could_ argue I'm a bit crazy... _crazy in love._ "

She pressed the button.

Lynn screamed when the slab of curved metal struck her forehead... but instead of her brain exploding everywhere, she could only feel a sharp, stinging pain that ran through her nerves down her back and through her limbs...

The hammer slowly recoiled to its starting point before falling again.

" _AHH!_ "

Lynn had tears falling out of her eyes like waterfalls as she begged Lisa to stop hurting her.

Lisa merely looked on as the hammer struck again, again, again, _again..._

Soon, Lynn began mumbling gibberish, her mind crumbling into insanity.

Within an hour, Lisa heard a disturbing _crack_ after one strike of metal against skull and she knew her time was up.

With a pitiful frown, Lisa hit the button again and released her sister.

She led the muttering girl, blood running down her face and neck, over to the boiler.

" _Let's give you a bath._ "


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes:**

Not even gonna lie, this is disturbing me a lot. So... _why can't I stop writing it!?_

These are the sequels to Flagg1991's _The Loud House Catch-All Drawer_ (Chapter 20). Run there first, then come right back. Trust me. None of this is going to make any sense at all without the context!

 _Reader be advised : _Nazi!Lisa... oh, and a graphic butcher scene.

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _Nazi Lisa: Part 5_

"No! Lincoln, wai- _AHH!_ "

It was too late for Lori's pleas to stop the Aryan race from dominating the world...

Lincoln grunted as he thrusted hard in to her. Hard and fast and deep.

He pounded against her fiercely... the quicker he finished the quicker they'd get on track to purging the world of its filth.

Lori moaned shamefully as he unloaded into her primed and ready womanhood, unwillingly sucking up his superior gift deep inside.

"There," Lincoln gasped as his neo-Nazi boyhood popped out of her, "that surely got you pregnant."

Lori had tears in her eyes as she replied in a whisper, "I tried to stop you..."

"What are you talking about, my Aryan princess?"

With watery eyes she looked into a brother so familiar yet so different, "I'm already pregnant..."

" _What!?_ "

"Bobby's the father..."

Lincoln recoiled in disgust.

"That means that my... and your... and I just mixed my... with his... and-"

Nazi Lisa stepped into the room with a hopeful look, which turned into a bright smile when she saw the mixture of lubricant and cum dripping out of Lori.

"Yes, finally!"

Nazi Lincoln tugged onto her sleeve, "Uh, she was already pregnant."

Lisa's eyes turned to the girl, whom was clutching her stomach protectively.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she pulled a Mauser from her pocket.

"Who's the father?"

"Bobby..."

 _BANG!_

Lisa sighed, raking a hand through her hair tiredly. "Alright, let's try this again."

She stole another Lori from her timeline...

"B-b-but I can't get pregnant because I was born sterile...!"

 _BANG!_

Again...

"B-b-but I can't get pregnant because I was born a hermaphrodite...!"

 _BANG!_

"There was a freak accident where a flying penguin ran its beak into my stomach, severing my fallopian tubes...!"

Lisa stared blankly at her.

"Are you _serious!?_ "

 _BANG!_

"Forget this! Lori is the most useless person in the entire multiverse. Let's try for another Leni..."

A Leni appeared with a cat tail, ears, and whiskers.

Lisa stared at the abomination.

"No way on earth I'm giving _mein Führer_ an army of neko-hentai-rape babies..."

 _BANG!_

A second Leni appeared, holding a knife with a crazy gleam in her eyes.

" _Oh, look at these two new mice for me to exterminate~_ "

 _BANG!_

Lisa managed to save herself, but sadly Leni's knife had embedded itself into Lincoln's pure Aryan heart, his superior white blood leaking out.

Lisa screamed in frustration before she remembered something else...

She grabbed a freeze ray and a butcher knife... carved off his groin as he lay dead and promptly froze it.

"Now, I can clone an army of Nazi Lincolns!"

* * *

 _Nazi Lisa: Part 6_

Lisa and Lucy stared at the lifeless body of Clyde... his skin mangled like spaghetti, his dark skin painted red...

"Great, he made a mess on the wooden floor."

Lisa turned to her assistant.

"Lucy, take care of his body. I don't care what, just dispose of it. I need to check on another experiment."

Alone with the corpse, Lucy looked up at him with an evil grin.

She got out a butcher knife and began feeling around his body for soft squishy _fat_.

"I've always wanted to make soap from a dead body... thanks for agreeing to be my first test subject."

She lifted his arm and felt a nice slab of fat below his arm, near the shoulderjoint, and she ran the knife along the bone...

She looked at the squishy, pale, disgusting substance and squealed girlishly.

"Yes! Oh, Edwin would be so proud of me!"

When Lisa returned, she found Lucy boiling fat, lye, and oil in a pot.

She turned and saw Clyde hanging from a hook like a pig, several slabs of meat carved off like a turkey...


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes:**

Sometimes a writer can only write what he feels.

 _Reader be advised_ _:_ attempted suicide and death depicted.

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _She Will Never Cry Again_

Lucy walked with her head bowed low, moving on two numb legs. Her arms felt itchy and stung beneath her striped sleeves.

Dots of red bled through the spotless garment like two brilliant bracelets.

She found herself entering a graveyard; her icy, pale hand raking the rusted steel gate.

She gazed across a sea of tombstones, but didn't take in any of the sights.

Finally, she beheld a mausoleum in the distance, and her tired feet carried her toward it.

A man watched as the little angel seemingly glided toward her destination, her short black hair unmoving under the twilight moon.

Lucy sat down on a bench and turned to look at the bust resting on a pedestal at her side: some unknown person...

...just like _herself._

She laid her arms on her lap and pulled the sleeves up one at a time.

A myriad of scars and fresh cuts, painted in oozing blood, zigzagged across her ghostly limbs.

And she felt tears begin to swell in her eyes.

 _Why can't I just die already!?_

She'd tried. She'd tried _hard..._

She clutched her bleeding wrists around her shoulders, hugging herself for comfort she couldn't give, couldn't receive.

 _They don't love me._

She looked up at the moon hiding halfway behind a dark cloud.

 _They don't even know me!_

She looked down at her hands and wished... No, she _begged_ to whatever could hear her inner turmoil that she could have one more chance...

One more chance to _end it all._

The man stepped from behind a barren oak tree. His cloak swept around a pair of black suede shoes as he appoached on the trail of a still wind.

When Lucy looked up, he was there; staring at her from under the rim of a fedora.

She looked into his eyes and finally found what she'd been looking for all her eight long, lonely years...

 _Understanding._

She held her wrists out to him; her eyes were twinkling with fresh tears; her mouth parted to whimper the agony in her soul.

" _Please..._ "

The man was moved, and he knelt before her. One hand fell into his pocket. His other held her chin.

"What is wrong, little one?"

Her tears were dripping down her cheeks.

"No one _loves me..._ no one even notices that I'm _gone!_ "

His hand wrapped itself around a slender piece of shiny metal. His other stroked her cheek comfortingly.

His head tilted to the side and he frowned.

 _No one deserved the torment that she was going through._

"I can grant you one wish, little girl. Do you want it?"

Lucy's eyes sparkled with hope. She held her wrists more urgently in his face.

"Yes, I want it! _Please..._ "

But the man pushed her hands down to her lap.

"Then, close your eyes, Lucy..."

Her back shivered as her name filled her cold ears like warm honey. Comfort washed over her unlike she'd ever felt before. And when her eyes closed, it was like she fell into a void of perfect peace.

 _Are you thinking of your wish, Lucy?_

She nodded her head.

 _Yeah._

She felt a chilly hand tug on her shirt collar; inching around to the back where her spine met her head.

 _What is your wish?_

She shivered again when warm air puffed in her face.

 _I want... to die._

She felt something icy rest on the crease on her neck and her breath hitched.

 _A beautiful girl like you shouldn't be crying..._

That hand stroked the ridge of her spine, and she felt herself melting into the touch. Her body relaxed as her mind drifted farther and farther away from reality.

 _I'll grant you your wish, little angel._

Lucy felt a new tear fall down her cheek and her heart rejoiced because it was from _happiness._

 _Thank you, sir._

Faster than a breath of air, a glint of reflected moonlight flashed across her neck.

And in the air, a hand held up a blood-stained knife.

The man rested her body on the bench and folded her arms over her breast.

Then, he reached inside her and lifted out a shimmering light... a translucent shape of the girl's image, sleeping with a smile on her face.

He turned and placed her shining figure on a dark cloud and watched as she ascended up into the moonlit sky.

And he felt a tear fall down his eyes...

 _She will never cry again._


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Notes:**

And here are some feels, extreme cuteness, and heart-gushing affection. Everyone needs a little loudcest in their lives~

The first ends on a teaser I normally ignore, and the second was inspired by Hot-Dog's adorable drawings of _Lynn-Dawg_. Check it out sometime on Deviantart!

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _Save a Linc_

Click.

Click!

 _Click, click, click!_

"Come _oooon!_ " Leni yelled at the computer screen, slamming the mouse on the desk repeatedly. "Work, _please!_ "

 _CLICK!_

" _Ahhh!_ " Leni plopped her face onto the keyboard and began sobbing.

That's when Lynn stepped in from the kitchen, munching on a protein bar. She saw Leni's shoulders trembling and heard her soft cries, and spoke, mouth full, "Wha's w-ong?"

She jumped back when Leni suddenly sat up, her face pink and teary. " _I'm trying to save him!_ "

Lynn choked on her bar at Leni's hysterical wailing, banging on her chest with a fist. "S-save _who?_ "

Leni threw her hands at the screen and shook the desktop. " _LINCY!_ "

"What?" Lynn stepped over and looked at it. "Where is he?"

Leni was sobbing, tears streaming down her face, as she moved the mouse pointer over a picture of a cute dress and right-clicked on it.

The phrase "Save link…" popped up and Lynn's eyes widened.

"I've been trying to save him for _hours_ , Lynn… What kind of sister am I!?"

She fell onto the keyboard, her shoulders trembling.

Just then, Lincoln was walking down the stairs, and Lynn grabbed him and brought him over. "Leni!"

Leni mumbled pitifully into her crossed arms.

"Look! You just saved him! You saved your Lincy!"

"Don't be mean-" She looked up, and then froze when her eyes met Linc's confused ones. "LINCY!"

Lynn shoved her brother into Leni's generous chest, giggling as Leni suffocated the poor boy.

"Leni! Help, Lynn! I can't breathe!"

" _Lincy! Lincy-Lincy-Liiiincy~!_ "

Lynn watched as her sister slobbered kisses all over his face, cheeks, ears, forehead… all while Lincoln was going _ewww!_ and trying to push her off. She smiled warmly and nodded to herself.

Lincoln finally pushed her off, and came face to face with her flushed cheeks. "Geez, what's wrong with you!?"

Leni twirled a lock of her hair. "Don't I get a reward for saving you~?"

Linc tilted his head in confusion.

Lynn smiled deviously. "Uh huh, I think you do."

The sisters shared a sinful gaze before turning back toward Lincoln.

He backed up onto the stairs before Lynn pushed him down and Leni grabbed his feet.

"Wait, girls, what are you doing?"

"No, not my pants!"

" _Ahhh! Don't touch me there!_ "

"…seriously, Lynn, you bit my wee-bob?"

"Leni, no, we don't have a condom!"

" _Nngh, I'm gon-gonna, gonna…!_ "

* * *

 _Good Girl_

" _Barroooo!_ "

Linc stuffed Bun-Bun's fluffy arms in his ears.

" _Ba-ba-barroooo!_ "

"Seriously, Lynn, shaddup!"

Silence followed… and then, she was whimpering and clawing at his door.

He could hear the words from her puppy-dog vocals: _I'm sorry Linc, forgive me, please!_

He sighed and got up to open his door. As soon as it was cracked open, Lynn jumped onto his chest and knocked him down to the floor.

Her chest smooshed into his, her tail was wagging like a propeller blade, and her ears were floppy and bent. Her tongue was licking his face, catching his open mouth and nose.

" _Ewww!_ Lynn, stop!" He tried pushing her off, but she kept up her assault.

When he finally had her off, pinning her to the ground with his body, she began squirming under him. Her butt was wriggling wildly and her throat was growling playfully. Her tongue kept lashing out at his hands affectionately.

Lincoln finally let her go, and Lynn jumped away and made a full-circle, sitting on her haunches to look at her brother with wide, caring eyes. "Bark, bark!"

He chuckled and started scratching behind her ears with his hands.

Lynn moved into his sinful fingers, her tongue lolling out and her back arching toward him. Gravity caused her to fall flat on her face and she let out a long, deep sigh as Linc's beautiful hands followed her ears down to the ground.

Lincoln smiled warmly at his sister. "Who's a good girl?"

Lynn panted, her body melting into a puddle. She rolled onto her back, her legs and arms sticking straight into the air.

And Linc started scratching her belly, lifting her shirt up to her breasts.

Lynn squirmed her hips upward, trying to get him to go lower. She looked him in the eyes and started whining from the back of her throat.

Lincoln pulled the string of her gym shorts, making them loose, and pushed them down her legs. "Is this what you want, girl?"

Her eyes were sparkling with mischief, her tongue reached out to wet her nose and her lips, and she nodded her head. " _Arrrf~_ "

He chuckled, pulling her panties down. "You've been a really good girl, haven't you?"

She nodded her head fiercely, her floppy brown ears bouncing against her hair.

He scratched her under her chin, watching as she closed her eyes and moaned wantonly. "You deserve a reward, don't you?"

She peeked open an eye to look at him in love and unconditional affection. Her cheeks were flushed and her groin was thrusting toward the hand resting inches above her sex.

He leaned down and planted a kiss to her nose, and she, excited and happy as she was, licked him from his chin to his nose with a gushing smile. He wiped his face off, but smiled nonetheless. He laid a hand on her hair, chuckling as her hips kept trying to thrust into his hand.

He caressed her hair, threading his fingers through her silky brown hair. He looked her in the eyes. "How can someone be as perfect as you?"

"Bark?" She stopped squirming to look at his face, her little pink tongue reaching out to wet her nose again.

He leaned down to kiss her on the lips, and he felt her body go stiff under him. " _I love you, girl~_ "

When he leaned up, she started squirming with renewed vigor and jumping at him and trying to lick every inch of his body, practically screaming, _I love you, too, Linc!_

Once she was done wetting his face with her saliva, claiming his body with her tongue, she sat firmly on his bed and howled her glee into the still night hours.

"Barrooo!"

" _Barrooo!_ "

" _BARROOOOOO!_ "

Once he calmed her down enough to go to sleep, she curled up against his chest with her head laying on his arm.

And he finally snaked his hand down to her slick sex.

And he gave her a very good reward~


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Notes:**

And here we are again with yet another crazy idea. This one belongs to Flagg; something we've been passing back and forth for a few days. So, here's the introduction, and if Flagg wants to continue it then you'll be able to see where it goes next in _The Catch-All Drawer_.

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _Casting Couch: Part 1_

There was a sharp knock at the door to an office apartment.

"Yep, come right in!" came the deep voice of a twenty-something male in dress slacks, fine shoes, and tucked-in buttoned-up shirt.

The door slowly opened into the brightly lit room.

And in stepped three girls.

The first, with a scowl and short blonde hair, hefted her purse back onto her shoulder as she promptly stepped over to a black leather couch and sat down.

The second, with a bright smile and long, silken blonde hair, waved at the male and promptly sat down beside the first.

And finally, the third, with short brown hair, stepped over to couch, quivering and running her hand up and down her arm shyly.

The man opened his mouth in a smile, revealing a complete set of pearly whites. His trimmed, short beard moved with his face as he spoke with a silky, suave voice, "Sooo… what can I do to help you girls?"

The first looked at him with piercing eyes. "My name's Lori, and these are my sisters, Leni and Luna. We… we're looking to make a little bit of money… just extra cash."

He nodded his head understandingly. "Well, I tell you what." He reached over and picked up one of those worth-more-than-the-common-man's-life cameras and pointed it toward the three girls. "I can take some shots, maybe some videos. I have some clients I can show them to. Maybe they'll like what they see, and maybe we can get you some work?"

Lori nodded her head, looking at her sisters for their consent. They nodded, too.

"Alright, so what do you think you're interested in doing?"

Lori shrugged her shoulders. "Everything, I guess?"

Leni furrowed her eyebrows. "Uh… what sort of things are you asking about again?"

The man let out a breath. "Um, well… the type of work we're talking about is _adult acting_ …"

She smiled brightly. "Ohhh, like, modeling!? I can _totes_ model clothes for you!"

His smile fell sideways. "How about modeling invisible clothes, eh?"

She leaned forward, conspiratorially. "You have those!? I'd love to wear them for you!"

Lori facepalmed, while the guy grinned wider.

"Awesome!" He turned toward Luna, seeing her eyes pointed toward the ground. "And what about you?"

She looked up suddenly with wide eyes and a pale face. "I-I… I'm only into girls, man… s-so, I don't know… m-maybe…" She trailed off with a weak shrug.

He tilted his head. "Do you think you could go down on any girl I bring in here?"

She didn't see him glance at Leni, so she nodded her head and agreed, "Absolutely! …just no guys, sorry."

He shrugged. "Eh, don't feel bad. I'll do what I can to help you out." He pointed at Leni. "So… what about her?"

Luna looked around, but only saw Leni sitting right beside her (and blocking Lori from view). "Wha- no! She's my sister, man! Not cool!"

He chuckled. "Thought you said you'd go down on _any_ girl I brought in here." He stood up, taking the camera with him. "Look, incest is actually insanely popular right now…" He turned toward the fourth wall and a flash of light glinted across his perfect set of teeth. "…especially among fanfiction enthusiasts." He walked around to the front of the desk and looked at Luna and Leni. "If you girls eat each other out I can nearly guarantee you'll get business in like a month, tops!"

Before Luna could reply, Leni spoke up since he was addressing her as well, "So, what will we be eating? Cause I'm on a diet right now~" She winked like it was a big secret.

He leaned toward her, his waist resting against the polished oak desk. "You're kidding! A beautiful girl such as yourself would never need to diet!"

Leni giggled.

"Anyway, I meant you'd be eating each other's pussies."

Luna paled even more, feeling her throat become dry and sticky at the same time.

Leni giggled more. "Silly… we don't have _cats~_ "

He recoiled just a little in confusion. "Uh…"

Lori shook her head, her hair fanning around. Then, she leaned into Leni's ear and whispered.

In seconds, Leni's face turned beat red, and she rounded on a defenseless Luna. " _LUNA!_ _Is that why you came out as a lesbian!? To lick my… m-my…!_ "

Luna looked at her with big, shocked eyes. Waving her hands defensively, she tried to deny it, "No, dudette, I swear!" but Leni would have none of it.

The man sighed as the two girls kept bickering. He looked at Lori and saw her looking back at him. "Wanna go to another room so we can talk a little more? I have a feeling your sisters will need a minute."

"Sure."

Lori stood up and followed him through an unseen door.

There she found an identical room in all aspects. She took a seat on the leather couch.

"So, if you're fine with it, we'll have you working with male talent today."

Lori nodded her head, suddenly feeling a little tense.

He smiled charmingly. "Sadly, it won't be me."

Lori blushed, but nodded nonetheless. "Ok."

"So, this guy is just a little older than me." He ticked a finger on his left hand, counting off qualities. "Pretty tall. Mysterious… eh-uh, don't let the sunglasses unnerve you. Chiseled like Hercules. Leather jacket type. Sound good?"

Lori nodded her head. "Y-yeah. Um… does he have a name he goes by, or… I don't really know how these things work."

He chuckled. "Oh, that's fine! So, he actually goes by the name Flagg1991."

Lori snickered.

"Heh, you laugh now, but trust me, you won't be thinking he's _flagg-ing_ once he's working you over…"

Her eyes became wide.

"So, do you have a boyfriend?"

"Y-yeah… he, uh, doesn't know I'm here."

"Heh." The guy leans back in his chair as he hits the pager button. "Well, if that's what you want to do…" He trailed off.

She nodded her head. "It's fine."

"Great!" He clapped his hands together even as they heard a pair of excited feet coming up the stairs leading to the office door. "That'll be him. My name is Script, by the way. AberrantScript."


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Notes:**

I was driving down the road the other day, when I saw a bunch of cows... and you know how it is when you have a mind as perverted as mine. I envisioned Lynn telling Leni to " _go suck on a cow_ " and next thing we know, I wrote this. To make things better, I _totally_ ripped off Flagg's _Dark as Night_ to set this oneshot up. (Shh!) Don't tell him that. It'll be _our_ dirty little secret~ ;)

And the second idea came to me shortly after writing _Good Girl_ (I think chapter 10 in this collection). I have a few ideas with Lynndawg that I want to pen down and this was first.

If I could have a picture framed of the final paragraph, I'd be so happy I'd die~

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2017)

* * *

 _Go Suck On a Cow_

Leni was walking down the stairs with her hands up and curved downward, like a cute puppy dog begging for a treat~ Her face was smiling, and her eyes were closed, and miraculously she made it down the steps without committing accidental suicide. She was a picture of perfect innocence.

The same, however, could not be said for the rest of her family.

Leni didn't know why they started doing it… but ever since Lucy and Linc started getting _really_ close to each other, her siblings had this nasty habit of saying horrible things to each other. Usually they did so in the mornings over breakfast.

Lincoln was lounging against his chair, an arm flung over the back. "Yeah, Clyde actually showed it to me, girls. He's got a nude of Lori, framed and hung over his bed. Jacks off to that thing every night."

Eight sisters chorused, "Ooooh!"

Lori was blushing as Leni walked into the kitchen. "How does he have my picture!?"

Luna slapped her hand on the table, cackling madly. "You're asking us, dude!? You gave it to him!"

Luan locked elbows with her roomie. "Yeah, and then you sucked him off."

Lily babbled loudly and giggly, and Luan translated for everyone (since she's the only one with the ability to speak gibberish). "Lily says you probably sucked off his dads, too."

Lori was speechless.

Leni's lips were trembling.

" _Why are you guys so mean!?_ " she cried out, pitifully hugging herself. " _What happened to the cute siblings I knew?_ "

Lynn flipped her sister off with double birds. "Fuck off, preacha."

Lana burped into Lola's face. "Uh, fanfiction happened, ditz."

Lola took her knife and _seriously_ considered making a Lana-kabob. "Yeah, bitch, it was _Dark as Night_."

Lucy's monotone voice spoke, "Yeah, don't you remember calling Linc's dick small?"

Leni blushed. "I-I, well… b-but that wasn't being mean! It's the truth!"

Another chorus of "Oooohs!"

And then Lily was babbling into Luan's ear with an evil smirk. Luan turned toward Leni and revealed her smirking metal gates. "Lily says _you_ sucked Linc off, too."

The table gasped as all heads turned toward Leni to see her reaction.

Leni sobbed.

Lynn huffed, crossing her arms. "Stupid bimbo. If you're gonna cry, why don't you just leave?"

Leni turned toward her roomie and best friend. "L-Lori?"

Her sister gave her a cold shoulder. "Go suck on a cow, Leni."

Leni gulped, her head falling in sorrow.

* * *

Leni put her hands on both sides of the cow's head and looked it in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Miss Cow, but I have to do this to make my crazy siblings happy again."

"Moo."

Leni sighed. "Yeah, I'm not happy with this either, but it's worth it, right? Right."

Leni puckered her lips and leaned in.

"Moo?"

…

" _MOO!?_ "

* * *

 _A Lenikitty Appears  
_

"Meow."

Lynn's floppy dog ears wrinkled themselves, her lips quivering to reveal her canines.

"Meow."

Lynn put a paw over her ear to drown out the noise and whined.

PAT.

She growled after a furry paw smacked her face.

And when she opened her eyes, she caught sight of a fluffy white tail, curling and twisting under the moonlight spilling into the living room.

Lynn was sleeping on her designated bed; a straw basket with a fluffy pillow and Linc's rabbit toy ( _her_ chew toy now~) for a snuggle buddy. Her life was gloriously perfect until this she-witch appeared and ruined everything.

Lynn's hateful eyes followed the cat as it sat down on its haunches and reached its delicate paw up over a seafoam green gown, and a pink tongue darted out to clean it.

Leni closed her eyes as she stroked her hand repeatedly with her rough tongue. When she was done she hopped up and padded over to Lynn's water bowl. With wide, unblinking eyes she sat down and stared at her sister. "Meow?"

Lynn growled. _Don't you dare, cat…_

Leni stuck out her paw and caught the edge of the bowl and slowly lifted it up. " _Meow?_ "

Lynn sat up on her four paws, her tee and shorts wrinkled and fluttery around her lean, muscular body. "Bark!"

Leni smirked as she pushed it and didn't even bother watching as the bowl tipped over and spilt water all over the carpet. She flung her tail straight up in the air and pranced into the kitchen.

" _BARK!_ " Lynn had murder in her eyes as she trounced after Leni, her claws sharp and deadly as they propelled her closer to her target.

Leni wiggled her butt and fluffy tail as her sister raced toward her. "Merrrrrow~"

Lynn licked her lips. She could already taste Leni's bloody neck in her jaws; could feel the subtle way her spinal cord would crackle as Lynn shook her like a dog, literally.

And right at the last second, when Lynn leaped into the air with her sharp canines first, Leni leaped up onto the counter with a perfectly elegant landing.

And Lynn smacked headfirst into a cabinet door and crumpled to the ground with pitiful whines.

Leni tried to ignore the crying and whining and adorable sniffles from her dog-sister, but her heart wouldn't let her.

Lynn was shaking on the ground, in pain and agony. Suddenly, she stiffened when she felt a rough tongue lick the knot forming on her head, and she relaxed into the calming touch.

Leni blushed but continued even after Lynn began moaning, her back paw vibrating rapidly in that universal way of showing dogs are _seriously_ enjoying whatever you're doing to them.

But Leni was a cat. So, she stopped _because_ Lynn was enjoying it.

Lynn opened her eyes in confusion and looked at her sister.

Leni sighed, knowing she'd have no control over her feline instincts whatsoever.

Lynn opened her mouth to ask why she'd stopped making her feel better when-

 _PAT!_

Leni smacked her right in the face and took off running into the living room.

And Lynn's vision turned red as she took off after her.

When their owners woke up in the morning, the house was a wreck. The couch was upside down. A kitchen chair was on fire in the back yard. There was milk spilled on nearly every flat surface in the first floor.

And on Lynn's little basket, their cute Lynndawg was snoring blissfully atop her pillow with Linc's rabbit under her paw. And breathing softly on top of Lynn was their cute Lenikitty, her fluffy white tail surrounding them like a barrier from everything evil in this world.

* * *

 **Random comments:  
**

Meme exe (formerly Universally Dank, correct?), thank you for helping me see the light. I'm just a _little_ behind on _Casting Couch: Part 3_ (sequel to Flagg's _Casting Couch: Part 2_ in _The Drawer_ ), but I was totally just going to have the devilishly handsome AberrantScript f*** Leni until she passes out... but he's such a gentleman that he could never let a bi Luna go without an orgasm from his Zeus-like penis. Luna will likely crawl to him on her hands and knees and worship him like the Greek god he is. Oh, and Flagg will probably get some, too. You did mean "bi" right? As in two? As in Abby _and_ Flagg need to plow into her _at the same time?_ Thanks for the advice!

Mr. Haziq, you seem to be under the impression that I am an immoral swine with an intimate knowledge of lewd material. But if I _did_ , hypothetically speaking, I'd totally make myself a Public Agent and roam around Royal Woods, especially on Franklin Avenue, because my "camera is on," my "wallet is full" and my "d*** is hard." ;)


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Notes:**

These are some short drabbles I wrote out in response to some Tumblr asks I've received. I wondered about where to post them and remembered I have this oneshot collection, so here we are! This one has eight 100-word snippets. Hopefully, you'll find something to you liking. :3

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2018)

* * *

 _Love Me Forever_

A boy lies shivering at the bottom of his cage. He's cold and hungry. His clothes are ragged. His body is weak. His eyes are wide and scared…

A girl giggles as she climbs down the long ladder and steps off into the deep pit.

Lynn turns around to see her little brother lying in his special room, which she built with her very hands.

"Hello again, little brother~"

"Let me go," he begs.

But she only giggles harder.

"You're so silly! Of course I won't let you go!"

She leans down toward him.

"You will stay with me forever~"

* * *

 _My Brother's a Pillow Now_

"Lynn…"

"Mhmm?"

Lincoln growled. "You're making my arm sore."

Lynn grinned as she snuggled deeper into her brother's side. "Well, get used to it. I'm not leaving this spot until the movie is over."

He sighed. "Freaking Hobbit… freaking three hour movie…" He blinked his eyes stupidly as a flash suddenly went off. He turned and saw his oldest sisters, Lori and Leni, taking pictures of them and giggling together.

"Aww, Lori, don't they look so _cute~!_ "

Lincoln blushed brightly. "Come on, Lynn, get off. You're embarrassing me!"

She pressed her lips to his chest. "You're my pillow now, Lincy~"

* * *

 _Be Honest With Me_

The door creaks open as silvery moonlight filters through the lonely curtain.

An angel glides across the carpet and nudges her fingers against her brother's cheek.

"Lincy," the siren calls.

"Hmm," the sleepy boy responds ungraciously.

"I _really_ need your help right now. Please, wake up…" the goddess pleads.

He rolls onto his side and looks into her worried eyes.

"What's wrong, Leni?"

She sighs and folds her hands over her heart.

"You're always honest with me, Lincy… s-so, tell me… am I stupid?"

He pulls her down into a hug. "No, you just think differently."

She cries. "Thank you."

* * *

 _Mine_

"We will become _one_ , dear brother!" Lynn cried as she leaped up the stairs, chasing her brother to his room.

"No frickin' way in hell! You're crazy!" He slammed the door shut and moved his bed in front of it.

She pounded on it until it gave way. She brought her leg back and snapped it forward, smashing the door in. She clawed her way through the splintered opening to get to him.

"I love you, Lincoln. You will be my mate!"

Her eyes were mad. She was going to rape him.

She was going to love him for eternity.

" _Mine._ "

* * *

 _Long Way to the Top_

Side by side, two girls jammed with their instruments.

Luna, rockin' out with her electric guitar.

Sam, layin' down some sweet rhythm with her electric bass.

"How do you think we did tonight?" Luna asked; her music never-stopping.

Sam smiled. "I think the crowd loved us."

Luna smiled, too, but as their song drew to a close… she set her guitar aside; her grin dropped.

Sam set her bass down and nudged Luna's leg. "What's wrong, babe?"

Luna looked up into her girlfriend's eyes.

"It's gonna be a _long way to the top… if we want to rock 'n' roll_."

* * *

 _Loud Kids, Devourers of Gods_

 _In the City of Townsville…_

"Good heavens, they've broken through the barricades," cried the Mayor.

"What will we do, Mayor?" asked his secretary, Ms. Bellum.

The oddly-shaped man ran around the room in a fright. Suddenly, he stopped.

"I know! I'll try to open that dang pickle jar one more time...!"

Meanwhile, in the outskirts of the city, great horde of flesh and bodies swarmed buildings and streets, devouring everything it its path.

It was unstoppable and unmerciful… destroying everything it touched.

It consumed Nickelodeon.

Devoured Disney XD.

And now, not even Cartoon Network was safe from its evil clutches~

* * *

 _We're Going to Be Parents!_

The sheets were a rumpled mess.

Their limbs were frantic and sweaty.

Luna cried in ecstasy beneath her brother's thrusting hips.

Her back arched, brushing her breasts against his chest.

Her arms circled around his neck and jerked him down; they kissed passionately. Their hips kept thrusting against each other, ceaselessly

She released his lips and looked into his eyes.

" _I think this time will do it, husband…_ "

He surged forward, making his wife cry out shamelessly.

He climaxed inside her core and fell into her arms.

She kissed her partner's face and grinned.

" _You're gonna be a daddy, Lincoln~_ "

* * *

 _Nightmare_

The door creaked open slowly.

A shadow crossed the floor silently.

Lucy, trembling, crawled into her brother's bed and poked his arm.

" _Lincoln._ "

He grunted in reply.

" _I-I had a nightmare again… can I sleep with you?_ "

He rolled onto his side and lifted the blanket drowsily.

With a faint smile, Lucy tucked her head under his chin and kissed his collarbone.

" _Thank you, big brother._ "

His arm fell around her shoulders, and she sighed as sleep overtook her.

And soon she was dancing in a field; just her and her brother, holding hands, and no nightmare to be seen.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Notes:**

Some more Tumblr requests. These ones are a bit better developed, in my opinion. All of these except for the last one are entirely platonic family-bonding moments. I hope you enjoy~

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2018)

* * *

 _Lori and Lincoln_

When Lincoln was born, all of his sisters were excited. All except for Lori.

She was a five year old girl, only a week away from her sixth birthday; and instead of talking about her party and what she wanted for her presents, her sisters were fawning over the little pink newborn laying down on mom's naked chest. Don't worry though, she had her gown covering both of them, so Lori didn't have to see her icky brother.

She could see his head though, and he had several strands of golden hair just like herself.

In a couple days, mom decided it was time to let his sisters hold him for the first time. And since Lori was the oldest, she was asked first.

The five year old girl stepped over to her mommy and put her hands out. When she felt his weight settle in her arms, she pulled him to her chest, cradling his head in the crook of her elbow.

She sat down and looked at him. He looked silly. Pink and pudgy. An ugly baby. His hand slowly moved and grabbed her shirt, squeezing it tightly. She sniffed. He was slowly stretching it. Sigh. So, he was going to ruin her birthday and her shirt. That's wonderful.

Leni, five years old as of a month ago, squeezed in beside Lori. And a one year old Lynn was in her lap. Both girls looked at the little pink thing and smiled.

"Lynn, say hi to your new brother."

Lynn, feeling shy, could only wave at him. She put her hand up and squeezed it into a fist, then turned and hid her face in Leni's shirt.

Leni giggled. "Silly, don't be shy. Lincoln loves you already."

Lori sniffed. Does he really?

When it came time to pass him to Leni, he wouldn't move.

"Come on, let go," said Lori.

But he wouldn't budge.

When dad tried to pull him away, he began crying desperately.

Lori grimaced as she looked down at him.

She held a bottle of her mom's milk to his lips and watched as he latched on and drank it.

He laid there for hours, never fussing or crying.

Sometimes his beady, evil eyes would blink open and stare up at her face. And sometimes Lori felt like she was the only thing he was seeing; her face would be his first memory.

Eventually he did let go and went back to mommy, but that first impression never did let go of Lori's mind.

Today, at the crisp age of seventeen, that impression still stands in her mind.

And sometimes, when her brother is very upset or lonely (even in a house as full as theirs), she can be busy talking on her phone and she'll feel a tiny tug on her shirt. And when she turns to scold her sibling, she pauses as she sees those warm, pleasing eyes of her baby brother looking up at her. And it's like he's only seeing her just as he did when he was first born.

She continues talking on the phone. And when Leni walks into the room to grab a jacket, she never questions seeing Lincoln huddled against her side and resting.

Leni walks over and kisses her sister on the cheek, ruffles her sleeping brother's hair.

And as Leni leaves the room, Lori ends her call and looks down at her brother… and she sees him clutching at her shirt just as he did when he was a newborn.

And she smiles.

Because that pink, icky, ugly baby… isn't so bad after all.

She kisses his head and lies back on her bed, careful not to jostle him, and decides to get some sleep herself.

And as her eyes close and her breathing evens out, her mouth repeats the message she's given him everyday for eleven years.

"I love you, Lincoln."

* * *

 _Becoming a Man_

The world tipped over as Lincoln fell onto his back in shock. His wide eyes stared up into the blue sky, dazed and confused. His hands were clutching his stomach, where he was in a good bit of pain.

He was sparring with his big sister, Lynn. And even though they'd been practicing the same forms for the past hour, his body had grown weak, his mind unfocused, and her heel landed a solid kick on his torso when he was meant to dodge it.

Suddenly, his vision was full of Lynn's smirking face.

"What's funny?" he growled in pain.

She shook her head, her smirk turning into a warm smile as she reached a hand out to pick him up.

"Nothing's funny, Linc."

She put his arm around her shoulder and helped him to the porch.

He grimaced as he sat down on a step, his arms curling around his stomach.

She went inside and brought pack some pain tablets and a bottle of water.

"Here."

He took them and got more comfortable.

Lynn sat down beside him.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

He sniffed. "Like an elephant trampled me."

She snorted and leaned back.

"At least you're not crying this time."

He grimaced worse because, yeah, a few weeks ago he would've been bawling his eyes out. For some reason he didn't anymore, even though the pain was worse.

"The world is a tough place, Linc," Lynn continued. "You may not always have someone there to get you water and pills for the pain."

He sighed. "I know."

He bristled but relaxed when he felt her arm circle around his shoulder, pulling them together.

She didn't say it while they hugged until his pain dulled… but she was incredibly proud of him.

Even as he stood up and walked inside, without help and slightly limping, to get an ice pack, she couldn't help but admire the man her brother was becoming.

* * *

 _Classic Coping_

Lincoln's knees felt weak and shaky as he stood just beyond the doorframe.

He felt a warm hand touch his shoulder and he turned his head toward his sister, Luna.

"It'll be ok, brother," she said.

He admired her long, flowing hair, and the pretty dress she was wearing. And yet, she still wore a black choker around her neck to lend some edge to her calm and warm presence.

"I'm nervous," he replied.

She smiled warmly as she leaned down to him, putting her arms around his shoulders.

"So am I, but do you wanna know what I do to help?"

He nodded his head. He was willing to try anything.

She grinned wider.

"I imagine the audience in their underwear!"

He gaped.

"Ewww!"

Luna giggled.

"Just trust me. You'll do wonderful."

Soon, it was there turn to come out onto the stage in the theatre.

Luna stood on the left in a dazzling purple gown; her long hair shimmering down her back; and her white-gloved hands lifting a violin up to her shoulder, a bow to the strings.

Lincoln stood across from her on the right in a white tuxedo with a deep purple shirt and a black tie. His hands shook as he lifted a violin to his shoulder, a bow to the strings.

Luna looked at him as the lights fully turned on them, and them alone.

" _Remember what I said,_ " she whispered right as her hands began the opening movement for Antonio Vivaldi's _The Four Seasons: Winter_.

He gulped and looked out across the audience, immediately locking eyes with his father. And sadly, he tried Luna's advice before he could think better of it.

 _Eugh, gross!_

His anxiety dimmed as he joined his sister in one of the best nights of their lives.

But he'd never be able to look at his father the same way ever again.

* * *

 _Weird Games_

Lincoln was strapped to a wall, upside down, with his limbs in an "X" shape. He was completely naked. He tried to scream but the gag in his mouth kept his voice silent and terrified.

He couldn't see anything because he was also blindfolded, but he could feel everything that was happening.

How a woman's nail was raking up the bare skin of his stomach.

How a slender fist jerked on his boyhood, making him cry out.

" _Are you feeling lightheaded yet, little brother?_ " asked Lynn's voice.

And Lincoln's heart froze. Surely, his sister wasn't going to rape him… not after he'd been married to Ronnie Anne for five years!

But his blood was rushing to his head and he had no choice but to play her little game.

He nodded.

" _Oh, then I should fix that, shouldn't I?_ " that sinful voice exclaimed.

But instead of flipping him right side up, that hand gripped his boyhood harder… started to stroke him and make him writhe against his ropes.

Then, he felt it… a sweltering heat beginning to engulf him, and he couldn't help it… his hips jerked toward that fire, and in an instant he heard his sister's voice cry out in pleasure.

" _Mmm~! I bet Ronnie Anne wouldn't let you fuck her without a condom~_ " she said as she started thrusting her hips against him.

He tried to yell through the gag… tried to tell her to stop… but he couldn't. She wouldn't listen either way.

She just kept pumping him. In and out. Her pussy gripped him tightly, refusing to let him go. Rippling around him, squeezing him, begging him to cum inside her.

And he did just that. Jerking his hips in little spasms, he unloaded inside his sister as she cried out in beautiful agony.

Lynn, her pussy still full with her brother's sexy love, turned her flushed face to the fourth wall and blew a kiss.

" _That_ is how you cuck somebody~"


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Notes:**

Some more Tumblr requests. None feature anything loudcest or lewd (other than kissing). I was asked why I started writing prompts like these... almost like I was purposely banning loudcest from my request queue... and I responded that I am a writer capable of making content for more than "one genre" in this fandom. I enjoy seeing what everyone has to offer, whether lewd, or loudcest, or safe, or whatever. And one day recently it occured to me... maybe there are some that want to see me provide that same variety of content.

Yeah, so this first oneshot is about Luna and a random girl in the music shop (from the episode "Roadie to Nowhere"). She's just called Music QT, I think. Someone on tumblr made a gag post asking people to make them into a ship. My response? _Be careful what you wish for~_

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2018)

* * *

 _Cannot Stop (Kissing)_

From the very moment she stepped in the store, I knew in my heart that she was the one.

There was something about her. Something innocent. Alluring. Captivating.

She enjoys the same music as I do.

I latch onto that… and I latch onto her.

My hands are touching her shoulders. They are firm and strong. The cottony fabric of her shirt feels wonderful beneath my palms.

My heart is beating harder, faster. My lungs can't breathe fast enough. I am going lightheaded.

I sway into her, bumping our noses together. Her eyes widen in fright, and I feel my body swoon in delight. I am using her shoulders to keep myself straight. She is sagging under my weight.

I can feel her breaths puffing against my lips.

She is so close…

Her lips are parted in worry…

Those pink, satin pillows are so very close…

I look into her eyes and find myself falling into them. I am lost in her. I am drunk on her. I have even forgotten my own name. Anything. Everything. It is all her.

"Kiss me," I whisper, bringing my mouth within a hair's breadth of her lips.

"What?" she asks in confusion.

"Kiss me now," I repeat, firmer and with conviction.

She gulps and tries to back up, but I stay with her. She cannot escape. She is in my grasp, and I refuse to let her go.

"I can't. I have a boyfriend!" she exclaims in fright; her eyes darting around to see if anyone is watching.

"I don't care. I need you. I'm burning for you!" I plead.

Her eyes dart to the side, and slowly they return to my heated gaze.

"O-ok."

We hide ourselves in a closet.

My hands touch her face; I frame her jaw and guide her lips home to mine.

It is indescribable.

But it does not stop at one kiss.

It does not stop at two.

From that moment on we would never be able to get enough of each other.

We would never stop kissing in secret, in public, with our hands inter-twined and her hearts mended together.

We would not even stop as we stare at each other in front of an altar, and the minister tells me to kiss my bride.

She means the world to me, and I would do anything… just to keep kissing her lips.

* * *

 _Be My Valentine?_

Valentine's Day came and left in the blink of an eye, and all of the residents in the Loud house were feeling affectionate and happy with the candies and tokens they'd received from their friends (and crushes?)

Lucy, however, was crouched in the vent.

Her bony arms were wrapped tightly around her knees as her face hid in her legs.

Her gloomy outfit was a little darker from the tear-stains her crying had made.

She was just about to write a poem about how lonely and depressed she felt… as the only sibling with no one that thought well enough of her to even give her a simply card… when she heard her bedroom door open.

"Lucy?" called Lincoln.

She sighed and wiped her wet eyes until they were dry. Then, she climbed down into the safety of her room.

"What do you want?" she asked, coldly and keeping her eyes toward the ground.

Lincoln smiled and knelt down in front of her. His eyes met hers through the dark veil of her bangs. He pulled a single black rose and a box of dark chocolates from behind his back.

"Um, no one should be alone on a day of love, Lucy. So… will you be my valentine today?"

She felt her eyes turn wet again as she reached out and grabbed the rose. She twirled it in her fingers, admiring the plastic thorns and fabric petals that would last forever. She looked at him and gave a faint smile.

Placing the black rose in her hair, tears running down her cheek, Lucy answered, "Yes."

And she slipped her arms around his shoulders (them being at the same height while he remained kneeling) and placed a teary kiss on his cheek.

" _Thank you for being my brother._ "

He laid the chocolates aside and pulled her tightly to him, feeling his own eyes tear up at her uncharacteristic display of sincere emotions.

Lucy was never alone on Valentine's Day a single year after that.

The next year, she was presented with various deliveries and imaginative tokens from "secret admirers."

And as she came home from school, blushing from all the attention she had received, she looked at each of her siblings and her parents… her "secret admirers" that thought well-enough of her to make her feel loved and appreciated when no one else would.

And they pulled her into a big group hug, with her and Lincoln at the center.

She smiled, unabashed and warmly, as he leaned in and kisses her on the cheek.

" _Thank you for being our sister._ "

* * *

 _Keeping His Cool_

"No! I'm not gonna mud wrestle with you, Lynn!" yelled Lincoln, frustrated and a bit too hot from the summer sun.

Lynn, smirking and approaching slowly, put her hands out.

"Oh, come on, bro. You need to cool off, and what better way is there to do it?"

Linc raised an eyebrow and sniffed at her.

As he flung a hand out, beginning to tick off a list with his fingers…

A sneaky Lana began crawling across the ground with a rope in her jaws, and an unshakeable focus in her eyes.

"We could buy ice cream, Lynn. We could play in the pool, Lynn-"

Lynn nodded to whatever he said, her eyes occasionally glancing at that little girl stalking her brother like a lioness does its kill.

"We could, I don't know, sit inside the air-conditioned house and watch TV. We could-"

Lana's heart was thumping wildly; adrenaline flooding her veins. She made it to him and slowly got onto her feet. She spat the rope into her hand and grinned evilly.

Lynn looked at Lana.

Lana looked at Lynn.

Lincoln looked at the sky.

"We could try dancing for rain, Lynn!"

Yeah, they completely ignored him lame, boring suggestions.

Lincoln heard a sound behind him and turned.

"What the-"

And then he saw Lana leaping at his face, latching onto him like a koala. He started screaming as Lynn ran up and grabbed the rope. As his arms flailed for dear life, his sisters ran that rope over his arms, his torso, and his legs; and knotted it until he couldn't move.

Looking from one sister to the other, Lincoln's eyes fell in resignation and irritation.

"Seriously?"

The girls, smiling, giggled.

"Yep!"

And together, they put their fingers to his forehead and pushed him backward into a mud pit.

But, hey, at least the mud kept him cool that day!

* * *

 _In Absence_

Ronnie Anne heard sniffling as she leaned against her brother's door.

This had been going on for a long time now. Months, actually.

She'd wake up and need to get a cup of water, and, when she passes his door, sometimes she'd hear him talking to himself… she'd hear him crying.

But it was never like this.

So, hopeless… despairing.

His tears were pronounced; his mourning was rhythmic.

This… was broken and inaudible.

She turned the knob and opened the door.

Bobby Santiago was lying face down on his bed, clutching tightly to a pillow.

Ronnie Anne approached with a worried look on her face.

She sat down beside him and sighed.

She didn't move or speak as his body shook and quivered; as his tears slowly dried up and his breathing steadied.

Then, she felt a hand grab hers, and she instinctually threaded her fingers with his and squeezed.

"What's wrong, Bobby?" she whispered softly to him.

His head turned toward her and she could see fresh tears forming.

"I-I miss her, Nie-Nie."

She smiled gently at him and put her free hand on his hair, beginning to massage his scalp.

"I know you do."

She didn't ask anything else, say anything more, as her brother hid his face in his pillow and expelled the pain of physical separation through tears.

She hummed to him a song she'd heard Lori sing to him when he was distraught, and her brother began to still and calm.

She saw him cradle that pillow like it was priceless, and she felt tears form in her own eyes.

She heard his breathing grow softer and deeper as she continued humming.

She let go of his hand and watched as he placed it on a corner, like he was cradling the head of his lover.

She chuckled in a whispered when he kissed the pillow, languidly.

" _I love you, Lori._ "

She looked at his third finger where a silver ring rested, and she felt pain for her brother.

When she sensed he'd fallen asleep, she leaned down and brushed his bangs away and kissed his forehead.

" _Just a few more months, Bobby, and then you'll be with her every day._ "

As she got up and went toward the door, she turned and looked at him.

She saw a man devoted to a single woman. A man in a city full of temptation, dreaming solely of the day when his fiancé becomes his bride.

And she smiled as she closed the door behind her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Notes:**

Mama Juicy is the OC created by Flagg1991 in his fic, _The BS Life of Lemy Loud_. She is disgusting, horrible, immoral, and rancid.

Enjoy~

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2018)

* * *

 _Mama Juicy_

Mama Juicy was sitting in her grandma's basement spare room, heaving as she sat down on her mattress. The walk down the short flight of stairs nearly killed her. Just like it did every time. But Mama didn't care. She was training… _had been_ training for months now. Getting some meat on her bony thighs and some junk in the trunk.

When she first saw that hunky slab of boymeat she weight a measly two-fifty. Now she was pushing four, and she couldn't have been any more proud.

Mama looked down at her thighs, seeing two bloated whales sticking out from a mound of blubbery mass that better resembled a hippopotamus than any human being.

She smirked, revealing her yellow, rotted teeth.

 _Yeah, baby, yo gonna shake what yo mama gave ya~_

She forced herself up onto her feet, the concrete floor groaning beneath her pudgy toes. Behind her, the mattress gasped for breath, but the indentions where her fat ass cheeks always sat down would never go away. Much like a man's arm doesn't grow back once it's cut off, that mattress was permanently scarred and suffering PTSD every time it heard its mistress tromp down the cracking basement steps.

She waddled over to her armoire, her million rolls tumbling and crashing like a tsunami battering the Pacific Rim. She flung open the door, and a goofy grin crossed her face as she looked on a porcelain bust of Lemy Loud. She picked it up and planted a wet kiss to the nose with her chapped lips, before slithering her fuzzy tongue all over his face and raking her rotted teeth across his eyebrows.

" _Hey there, sexy. Why don't you come show Mama Juicy a good time~?_ "

She cradled the bust to her, uh, bust, and then turned toward her radio and flipped it on.

The classic tune of _Girls Got Rhythm_ came on, and Bon Scott's voice filtered through the broken speakers, only making Mama juicier than before.

 _I've been around the world, I've seen a million girls._

She crashed onto her back; the mattress giving out a death screech, praying for the Grim Reaper to come take it to the junkyard but crying when a Guardian Angel held it (and Mama Juicy) up with supernatural strength.

 _Ain't a one of them got what my lady, she's got._

She waggled her patchy, bushy monobrow at Lemy's statue before spreading her legs nice and wide for him; her pants ripping from the stress of her rolls of fat suddenly sloshing over the side like a river rippling down a waterfall.

 _She's stealing the spotlight, knocks me off my feet._

Her fungus-infested hangnails curled with her pudgy toes in utter excitement for what was about to happen.

She took that bust and pressed Lemy's sweet, nubile, precious, forbidden lips to her coochie-coo, and she yowled like a cat getting its insides scraped out with a barbed pecker. Her head slammed back as her thighs clamped around him. God, his tongue was slipping into her depths now, squirming like a juicy worm, suckling on her like a newborn feasting on its mother's tit… she wasn't gonna last~!

 _She's enough to start a landslide, just a walkin' down the street._

Damn, _fuuuuck_ , she could feel his tonque slipping up her tubes now, tickling her eggs, impregnating her with his saliva. She was fucking ready for him, fucking ready to give him a litter of sin kitties. God, her thighs were squeezing harder now, her voice echoing through the basement like a bear with its foot caught in a bloody trap as it slowly, agonizingly tore its leg off with claws and teeth.

 _Wearing dresses so tight, and lookin' dynamite!_

CRUNCH! She screamed in ecstasy as Lemy head was crushed beneath her gargantuan thighs like a walnut's shell being cracked open, and the insides getting slurped up by a hungry child.

 _Enough to blow me out; No doubt about it, can't live without it._

Mama Juicy, her body sweating an ocean of fishy smells and mildewy body odors, looked down and giggled.

" _Oops, looks like I killed you again~_ "

She slipped up onto the floor again and reached under the bed, pulling out another bust just like the first.

" _Good thing, you're replaceable, you handsome son of Adonis~_ "

 _The girl's got rhythm_.

She winked at him saucily as she pulled out a bag of decaying, peeled baby carrots.

" _Now we've got the foreplay outta the way, you know mama wants that big fat cock slammed deep up her womb~_ "

 _The girl's got rhythm_.

She pulled out a three inch carrot and grinned like a mad woman.

" _Mmm, you're extra long for me today, aren't you, naughty boy? Ya gonna rape Mama's pussy with your three-fucking-inch schlong, ain't you? Well, come on, stallion. Make Mama yo filly._ "

She braced herself, placing his bust between her basketball-sized orbs of curdled milk.

" _You ready, you fucking stud?_ "

She saw that bust blow a kiss at her and she blushed like a school girl.

 _She got the backseat rhythm!_

Her meaty hips bounced on the mattress when she slammed that carrot in full hilt.

" _Fuuuuck!_ " she screamed. " _You like my tight pussy squeezing your big ass cock? You like how deep you're reaching? Fuck, you're hitting Mama's womb! I-I-I'm gonna cum- You're making Mama cum all over your horse dick!_ "

Indeed, the carrot was prodding her womb, as her whole fist, wrist, and part of her forearm was slammed inside her tight sex with plenty of room to spare.

 _The girl's got rhythm~_

Lemy wedged his elephant dong into her cervix, making her scream in pure pain and pleasure, and it snapped off; feeding her his tiny boy sperm like an IV giving a blood transfusion. She pulled her hand out and squealed as she felt his preteen dick still inside her body, fucking her raw and risky, and making Mama Juicy the fucking mama of his litter.

An hour later, and ten carrots later, Mama Juicy finally got off the bed and went to the window. She opened it and let some fresh air into the moldy, fish-smelling room…

And she gasped.

Because Lemy fucking Loud was prancing around like goddamn Bambi on his spindly legs. And Mama could just make out the impression of his fat cock in his pants.

She yelped when she mentally stripped him down, gazing on every inch of his naked preteen body… but when she saw his fully erect pussywrecker, she nearly screamed in shock.

That fucking thing was four-fucking-inches long, and Mama didn't know if she could take such a beast up her baby factory.

She had to hurry though if she was gonna rape him before he left.

So, she went to her closet again and pulled out a jar… you know, that jar every Mama has in her closet… where she scrapes off her toe jam for later use~

And she dunked a big slab out with her hand and lubed her pussy with the stuff until she was good and slick and ready to take a fucking semi up her hole.

With a fresh pair of pants (and no panties cause Mama don't play~), Mama Juicy tromped up the stairs and out the door, chasing after her little Bambi like a mountain lion ready to sink its jaws into his neck and fuck him until his balls were dry.

"Hey, fuck face!"

She saw that sexy ass boy turn toward her with love and purest adoration in his eyes, and a burning desire to throw her down and ride her like a bronco.

"Come give Mama a kiss!"

She saw him turn to run, but that was ok. She always liked it when her boys got worked up and sweaty. It fucking turned her on so much she oozed female ejaculate from her skin.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Notes:**

I'm going to be posting a few updates to this collection today. So, don't skip by accident! :D

This story was originally going to be a multichapter fic, attempting to deconstruct the April's Fools episode at the motel. I started this in like March last year, and quickly gave up. I figured I'd hold onto it just to see what might happen, but the longer time goes on the more I just don't want to invest my heart into something of this nature.

Be advised: graphic torture, murder, dismemberment, and insanity.

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2019)

* * *

 _Unbreakable_

 _Luan Loud was always…_ _special_.

"Y'wanna know how you're just like cabbage?"

Brown eyes blinked as a knife drew across an old man's neck.

" _Please, don't do this!_ "

A dark chuckle filled the room.

"You're just a _head._ " _Slash!_ "Ha! _Get it?_ "

 _From her earliest moments, she heard voices in her head. Voices that spoke funny things in her ears; that urged her to do things to her siblings… punny things, cruel things… evil things._

Two spindly arms held out a knife and began carving the skin from an old man's lifeless, bloody body.

Two hands took out a sewing kit and sewed the skin onto a body frame; fitting it with clothes, dousing it in men's cologne, and fitting it over a teenage girl's spindly body.

 _She normally had some control over those deep urges, but her sanity always hung in the air like a puppet on its strings. One day… those strings just snapped apart… and Luan's sanity fell away._

That girl turned to the pile of muscle and bone; her eyes staring intently at the head that barely hung from the shoulders where she'd slashed deeply across the neck.

"My mom always taught me not to let anything go to waste~"

A girl's giggle filled the room as a spine was slowly carved out of the head; as two young hands reached inside and pulled out flesh and matter in tiny handfuls.

Two eyes rolled across the floor, fleeing like cockroaches… only to be chased with a girlish, " _Ewww!_ " and get crushed beneath two flower-laced shoes.

 _She couldn't fathom why someone would take the pain and humiliation that was destined for another…_

Mad giggling filled the room as a hollow cranium was slipped over a girl's head, an excited, thin arm stuffed a whimsical ponytail up inside to fill in the empty space of a mind that was now gone.

"Ha!" She loved that joke quite a bit. " _Get it~?_ "

Two brown eyes could be seen smiling from the empty sockets of the carcase.

The body frame was opened and the girl stepped inside…

 _Luan couldn't understand why Lincoln would choose to save Ronnie Anne…_

Heavy breathing resounded inside the empty body like a quiet echo inside an endless cavern.

 _She knew he would do it… she knew he would take it all for her… but try as she might, she couldn't break him… he was unstoppable, unshakeable… unbreakable…_

A man's withered skin slammed into a mirror, shattering it to pieces.

A man's bloodied head looked down at the myriad shards strung out across the ground.

 _She could see him straining at the end… so close… so close to bending his mind until it snapped… yet still so far away._

Two brown eyes looked into a broken reflection and smiled at the wonderful sight staring back.

"You might be strong now, Lincoln…"

A foot lifted up, hovering above those two brown eyes.

"…but no one can stay strong forever…"

As those eyes were crushed into dust, a girl's laughter filled the room until nothing else could be heard.

"I will prove it, dear brother."

She pulled out a phone to message her father.

They were broke down.

They were coming.

 _He was almost there._

With a deep, racing breathing, Luan looked at the picture her father sent her.

Of Lincoln.

His smile.

His carefree attitude.

His devotion to his family.

And the deep desire she felt inside to take him… to take all of those things away from him… was so strong it made her knees weak. Made her stomach flutter. Made her head light as a feather.

" _Sweet Lincoln,_ " as she stroked a hand down her phone, down his cheek, " _I will prove that even you…_ "

She crushed the phone in her costume's grip, delighting in the way it trembled and cracked and _snapped_ between her fingers.

Alone with just herself inside a body, her own ragged, aroused breath filling her costume until her ears began ringing from the noise…

She smiled. And she laughed. And she spun around with an old man's arms twirling in the air.

Because not even Lincoln… not even the hardest nut she has ever tried to crack…

" _…even you are not unbreakable!_ "

Haha-hahahaha-hahahahahaha!

Turning toward a wall, smiling through an unmoving face, she put a hand on her hip and winked.

" _Get it?_ "


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Notes:**

Here's a bunch of little prompts I fulfilled for /TLHG/ on 4chan. Just like with everything else in this collection, there's a bit of everything. Tread carefully.

By the way, I know my titles for these suck. I'm sorry~

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2019)

* * *

 _Living the Dream_

Pink hair, matted and cloaked in grime.

Bruised eyes staring at blood on the ground.

A cut wrist clenched tightly to a stomach.

A pair of swollen, blackened lips coughing, sputtering.

Vile, foul waste spews onto the ground, droplets of pale blood falling in their midst.

Bloodshot eyes, swollen and beaten, stare into a puddle of vomit.

Somehow seeing her sister.

Her parents.

Her friends.

The vision lasts but a second, and then another volley of bile claims the dirt.

A tear falls down a bloodied cheek.

Two hands struggle to hold up her weight.

Fingers splayed over bruised, bleeding thighs… smeared with fluids not her own.

A glass bottle smashes the ground beside her leg.

She turns her eyes upward.

Another man approaches.

The once well-known singer is pushed backward, her spine crushed against a sharp rock.

He has his way with her, even as she chokes on her own vomit, her own despair.

When he's done, he's given a knife.

Her stomach, bare and vulnerable, reveals a long string of tally marks.

He dips the blade in just as countless have down before, and leaves his conquest in her once beautiful skin.

Permanently.

The searing pain of being branded.

A whore.

A failure.

It wakes the young girl up.

Luna silently screams, she shakes, she grips her blankets tightly to her chest.

She looks around, expecting to see the crowd of faceless men and women awaiting to use the body of a washed up music reject.

Instead, she finds herself cold and shivering…

Slowly, she crawls to her ladder.

She climbs down.

She's careful not to wake Luan up, but she needs someone…

Her sister.

She holds onto her tight, her tears getting lost forever inside her younger sis' warm embrace.

* * *

 _Lunch Date With Mr. Worldwide_

Lucy was waiting for her lunch date.

Some internet creepo that finally agreed to hook up with her.

Apparently he loved everything she did.

He loved Pretty Pretty Pegasus.

He loved going to emo poetry clubs in shady corners in damp alleyways.

He dressed in black and white suits, always wearing dark shades.

That's what he told Lucy anyway.

And the eight year old, desperate for romance and love, was just young and gullible enough to believe.

So, imagine her surprise when she gets to their date locale.

Some dingy shop full of questionable artifacts and exotic spellbooks.

And her date isn't an eight year old redhead like she was expecting.

He was an adult motherfucker that looked like a Howie Mandel knockoff with a a pair of orange tint aviators.

Fuck.

This man was a pedophile.

God, Lucy had the worst luck…

Which was normally a good thing in her bad perspective, but-

Yeah, ok, she wasn't gonna hang around with this fuck ass deadbeat egotistical loser like a fresh piece of prisonbait loli.

She went to the nearest phone, called the cops, reported a rape, and watched as a half dozen cops gangraped that bitch.

She never caught his name either, but she was pretty sure it'd be something completely autistic, too.

Like Mr. Worldwide.

Pffft.

What a loser.

* * *

 _Greatest Magic Trick_

Was Luan sure she wanted to perform the greatest magic trick ever?

Yes.

Yes, she was.

Was she sure she was going to perform it on the forty year old father of her school friend, Maggie?

Yes.

Yes, she was.

Was she sure she was going to make her own virginity disappear in front of a crowd of her friends, their parents, and even Lincoln?

Oh, God, fucking yes!

"Harder!"

She screamed, making the crowd burn and coo.

The man was holding her small frame up in the air, in the middle of a stage.

Her legs were bent back to her chest. Her arms pinned at her sides.

And her pussy was impaled on his dick from below.

She was basically suspended mid-air on his thick meaty cock, and her moans let the whole block of houses know that she was loving every second of it.

But, you know how Luan's jokes normally go.

It doesn't end without someone getting a cream pie.

But in a strange turn of events…

Luan not only got the biggest creampie she'd ever seen in her life…

But she got it straight to her pussy.

And instead of being upset, she hooked her finger at the next man in her line of sight.

And begged him to perform a magic trick on her pussy, too.

* * *

 _Sisters and Pets_

Lola walked into her shared room with a frown on her face.

Lana was sitting on the floor, her butt in the air, her frantic voice calling out for her snake.

It was annoying. How much noise one six year old could make. How many countless hours of beauty sleep were lost due to Lana and her pets.

But something seemed different… off…

Lana pulled back, and her eyes looked haunted.

Lola's frown deepened.

She walked closer.

Lana's shaking hand tugged something out from under her bed.

Her snake?

Lola didn't understand what the-

His neck was crushed.

His head hanging limply from her twin sister's hand.

Lola gasped before she realized she'd made the noise.

Lana's eyes clenched tight and she curled down into a ball.

Lola watched her sister, listened to her begin to scream and cry in pain.

She walked her way over to the grieving girl, and sat down beside her.

Wordless, she wrapped her arms around Lana, and closed her own eyes.

She may have hated that snake…

But she loved Lana.

And as she felt the pain rattle Lana to the very core, her own tears began to fall.

But she couldn't do a single thing to help her sister…

Except hold her, and love her, and let her know that she was still there.

That night they did something they hadn't done in a long time.

Cuddling in the same bed; as inseparable as they were in their mother's womb.

* * *

 _Cheerleader_

Maggie stared into the mirror with a frown on her face.

Sighing, she took out a hairband and tied her long locks into a ponytail.

Pursing her lips, she stripped herself of her clothing and donned the accursed attire of a cheerleader.

The red and white colors of her school draped across her pale skin, so revealing, so… vulnerable.

She was allowed to wear high socks, to cover more of her leg, but other than that she was screwed.

Her midriff was exposed, her top had a low neckline, and her skirt was so short a casual wind would reveal the school-issued panties beneath to literally everyone that walked by.

How could anyone enjoy this?

It's so… different.

So vile.

So unlike herself that she may as well have-

Her eyes blinked, and she considered it for a moment.

She stared harder into the mirror.

And she smiled.

So alien, so foreign…

The girl in the mirror looked like her, but also didn't.

Almost like a ghost that had invaded her own body.

Almost as if…

She'd put on a mask.

Became a new person.

Hidden her true self deeply inside a character for the world to focus on.

Her smile grew wider as she walked out the locker room, and onto the field.

No one recognized her.

No one remembered who Maggie was.

But they knew this person.

They would remember Mags, the girl with a bright smile.

The girl that made the highest jumps.

The girl that cheered her team on even after a crushing victory.

The girl that could not be crushed by the loathing depression and anxiety swelling inside her breast.

But when night came, she returned to the locker.

She looked into the mirror.

And like flipping a switch, she yanked her clothes off, the hair thing, the socks…

And her smile fell.

* * *

 _Panties_

Lincoln had nine pairs of panties in his backpack.

He only needed one more to be able to join the coolest gang in the whole school!

But first he had to get a pair from his oldest sister, Lori.

You see, he didn't have much trouble getting some from Leni. He just waited for her to take a shower, walked in and talked to her, asked for a pair, she gave them to him without a second though… and then the boy got a free show as she walked back to her room, completely naked and dripping with hot water.

Mmm, damn, was that a good show. Wew.

Some were not so easy to obtain, however.

He had to wait for Luan and Luna to head out to a joint gig; some rock comedy routine they'd been working on for weeks. And then, he raided their drawers.

He didn't get out of their without a black eye from a booby trap, tho. A shame said booby trap was a spring-loaded boxing glove hidden inside one of Luan's bras. Fuck you, Luan. We get it, and it wasn't funny, bitch.

The younger girls were easier. He only had to swipe their panties from the laundry basket.

For Lucy, he actually received the shock of his life when he found hers waiting for him one night. Laying on his pillow with a dark rose beside it.

Gulp. Best not to think about whatever that's supposed to mean…

And Lynn was the hardest. But, let's not talk about that. He still had a hairline fraction in his left rib bone from when she caught up sniffing around her dirty laundry.

Lori was saved for last because he expected hers to be the hardest.

As crazy and strong as she was, single-handedly able to protect a phone charger from her entire family in a bloody deathmatch…

Oh god, if he wasn't careful, she wouldn't just make him into a human pretzel.

She'd rip him into bite-sized pieces and dip him into sauce and munch on his death body.

Fuck… why did that kinda sound a little hot?

NO! Lincoln, you might be a fucking pervert, but GOD have some class, will you?

Pfft, it's not like you're going to open the door to Lori and Leni's room and-

A-a-and see the two sisters leaning back on Lori's blue sheets…

W-wearing their flimsy nighties…

H-hooking their fingers at him; Leni beckoning him to come forward; Lori holding a free pair of her lacy lingerie for him to collect.

"Oh, Lincy," Lori's smooth voice washed over his blushing ears. "I heard you're collecting our underwear to join a club at school."

He nodded shakily.

Leni giggled, "Well~ Wouldn't you rather join a different club?"

He approached, his legs weak and jelly-like…

His hands touched the bed, his knees crawling toward his oldest sisters.

Lori's hand reached out and cupped his cheek, pulled him toward her breasts like a puppet on a string.

"Wouldn't you rather be a part of your sisters' special club, little brother?"

Leni's arms circled him from behind, pushing his face closer to Lori's painted rose red lips.

"Wouldn't you rather play with us, Lincy?" she breathed into his ear, her tongue flicking his lobe.

Lori smirked as she tossed the lingerie aside.

"All you need to do to join…"

Her dark blue eyes connecting with his, drawing him under a spell.

"…is give your sister a kiss. Can you do that, Lincoln?"

Her thumb pressed across his bottom lip, her eyes darted down at his mouth before flicking back up to his stunned eyes.

"Kiss me."

* * *

 _Mating Season_

Lincoln is sleeping alone in his bed.

He's waiting for his sisters to maul him.

It's peak mating season at the Loud House.

The scent of pheromones is strong in the air.

He waits, and waits, and waits.

Eventually he falls asleep.

The next day, he goes out into the hallway.

Lori is there holding a bag, handing everyone six years old and up a little container.

"Hey, what's going on?"

Lori turns and glares at him.

"Oh, nothing much, _Lin-coln_. Just every single one of your sisters woke up with your boycum oozing out of their vaginas. So now we're trying to figure out how many of us are pregnant with your babies."

His heart stops.

He never visited any of them last night.

Thirty minutes later, he's surrounded by eight sisters and eight positive tests.

Across town, Ronnie Anne is sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal.

She can feel the ache in her lower back from where she'd bred each one of her boyfriend's viable sisters.

She remembers each mare that she fucked a baby into.

Leni was her favorite whore.

She hopes she gave the ditzy blonde twins.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Notes:**

This is the third update today. So, if you're seeing this first, then scroll back to chapter 17, please and thank you~

I playfully poked 4chan about trying to make them uncomfortable with Clyde being shipped with the sisters. So anon challenged me to poke myself, too, and make everyone uncomfortable.

This was the result~

 _Enjoy~_

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2019)

* * *

 _If You Give Him a Foot_

In life you never know where you'll end up.

Clyde knew this firsthand.

Best friend to a shotacuck. Forever alone pining after a buxom blonde bombshell. And destined to always be a lackey.

Then one day his luck changed when Lincoln offered him an irresistible arrangement.

See, Twinkoln and his sisters have an aunt that's loaded.

That's really the only reason anyone even knows she's still alive: the inheritance check hasn't made it in the mail yet.

Clyde couldn't even count the number of times he heard them utter in their infamous bathroom lines that it was all Ruth's fault they couldn't build another restroom.

The old bitch refused to die.

Well Clyde didn't have to think long on it.

Cause Linc offered him something he wouldn't refuse.

A pic of Lori's naked foot.

On the outside he put on a show, gazing at the whore's developed body like an average boy.

But deep down he only had eyes for her calloused, smelly, sweaty, fresh from a jog in the rain, and just separated from sweat soaked, wet dog smelling socks.

Fuck, it got him so hard just imagining what they would smell like...

Let alone what they'd feel like...

Rubbing his body, spreading his lips apart and thrusting into his throat.

Oh god, he hoped she never cleaned her toenails... all that dirt and other ungodly unmentionables... cause fuuuuck he wanted to scrape them clean with his bare teeth and cleanse her putrid soles with his tongue.

It is with this unnecessarily graphic background that Clyde found himself kneeling before a holy goddess.

A woman in a long, flowing gown, her hair tied up in a show of piety, and her eyes looking down on him from on high.

She offered to him a single foot.

And his drool was already soaking through his shirt... for she was 120% of a woman...

Her sixth toe wiggled at him, daring him to deflower her virginal sole.

With shaking hands, Clyde received God's gift to mankind and brought it to his nose.

The smell was that of Sodom and Gomorrah as hellfire rained down upon it, burning even the very ash itself into transparent glass.

The aroma was intoxicating, but his frail human body couldn't withstand it for very long.

Much like Moses, he had to put a veil over his face before facing his goddess once again.

He cradled her swollen toes in his trembled hands.

In his ears, he heard his Lady Ruth's moans as if they were sounding from a holy choir.

He brought her rotting foot to his face and brushed his lips to it.

His Lady had a scabbed over sore, and his lips tore it.

His spine shook with holy ecstasy as her creamy pus oozed between his lips.

His tongue pushed through the foul taste, savoring her peculiar flavor.

Aunt Ruth's varying textures; as his tongue grazed over her rashes, threaded between her toes.

Sweat began to drip down Clyde's dark skin. He was getting hot. Too hot. Fuck...

His sweet goddess beckoned him closer...

She desired of him a massage.

So, he kissed her big toe, and the bunion on her joint, with modest pleasure.

He dropped his pants and brought forth his staff of righteousness.

He looked up at her, like the Catholic to the Holy Mother Mary, and gave worship through the song bursting inside his chest.

Then, Clyde put his hands on her, as if he were ordaining her, and he brushed his sopping wet cockhead across her fungal toenails, dousing her in his semen as if it were holy oil.

His Lady's sixth toe wiggled for attention, alone and unappreciated.

So he kissed it with the tip of his dick, a wet, smoldering kiss. He kissed it harder, her cracked and fractured nail splintering just enough to a shard entered his slit, making her servant cry out her blessed name.

They witnessed his virginal blood drip onto the ground...

But this sacred ritual wasn't about him, it was about his goddess.

Clyde took Aunt Ruth's two feet and thrust his dick between them both.

The friction relieved the aged pressure on her bunions, made the worn and peeling skin on her soles peel away.

Clyde pulled his erection back and saw some yellowy flakes of fungus smeared on the surface, minglied with his blood and semen.

Fuck, he couldn't take it and shot his load right then and there, painting his lady like she were a masterpiece.

He knelt down at her feet, his hands already working to massage his semen into her pores.

Aunt Ruth crowed and breathlessly pleaded for him to keep going...


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Notes:**

Inspired by posts on /TLHG/. I'm told this only scratches the surface and I missed a lot of decent content to include in this parody.

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2019)

* * *

 _The Loud House General_

"Morning, dudes," said Luna, her eyes bloodshot as she'd stayed up the entire night listening to ancient rocks songs no one's heard about.

"Morning, Luna," said Lincoln, his hands rubbing at his eyes.

"Morning!" said Lola with an unusually bright smile for just waking up in the morning.

Luna yawned. "What's you dudes gonna do today?"

Lincoln opened his mouth to say something retarded, but Lola beat him to it.

Stripping down until she was wearing nothing but a bit of pink ribbon covering her cooch and nips, the girl wiggled her unnaturally and disproportionate tush.

"Oh, nothing much."

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "You're not sexy, Lola. Cover yourself up, two penny whore."

Lola rolled onto the couch, half sprawled over Luna, and ripped her ribbon off. Though at the angle, Lincoln couldn't see anything.

Just at the moment, Rita stepped in with classic janitorial gear on, and she glared at the girl. Huffing, she walked off, because jannies fucking suck.

Lola stuck her tongue out.

"Suck it, fag!"

Luna growled.

"Yo that wasn't very nice to the rents!"

Lola turned her eyes and snapped her fingers, and suddenly no one could hear or remember having a 15 year old sister in the family anymore.

But they had a new lamp that gave decent shade.

Lincoln was getting pissed off fast.

It was a whole fucking minute before anyone replied to him.

His hands were clenched, his teeth gnashing.

He was growing desperate.

Just then, seemingly out of nowhere, Leni walked down the stairs.

Her eyes were dead. Her walk was aimless.

She went into the corner and stared at nothing.

"I just want to die."

Lincoln took this as his perfect chance.

Walking up, he ripped the sad girl's clothes from her body.

"Look, Leni, I know you're a walking accident dumbass bitch that should've been carted away to the loony house ages ago, but you're literally the hottest girl in the house, and I have the biggest dick in the universe, so bend over and take me raw so I can impregnate you with my spawn and show Lola why she's a fucking dirty ass whore."

Right as Lincoln started humping on his depressed sister, and Lola started screaming about how icky it all was, everyone paused.

They could hear heavy breathing.

They looked at the kitchen.

And there was Lori.

Messy, tired, depressed, holding a bottle of pills she was _just_ about to eat so she could finally be rid of this fucking nightmare of a life.

But then she happened to step into the living room.

And she saw Leni.

Precious, beautiful, perfect Leni.

And her eyes lit up.

"Oh my fucking God, you're so beautiful, please marry me."

Lincoln pulled out of his sister and growled.

"Go fuck yourself faggot!"

Lola hissed.

"Kill yourself, Lori."

Literally out of nowhere, Lynn walks in grabbing a sandwich and stuffing her mouth with it.

"Do yourself a favor and drink bleach."

Lisa falls from the ceiling.

"Please for the love of God end your miserable existence already. No one wants you. Your friends hate you. Please do yourself a favor and listen to them and kill yourself."

Lori didn't do any of those things.

With a stupid fucking :3 face, Lori crawled closer to Leni until she was at her feet, and she kissed the ground the ditzy suicidal dumbass walked on.

Luan walks down the stairs.

And she spots Lola, still naked and sprawled on the lamp.

And with a dirty smirk, she walks into the kitchen and gets some chocolate milk.

Leaning against the walk, she jiggles the carton.

"Hey, Lola. Wanna have some chocolate milk? I bet it'd make you look... amazing~"

The girl was so aroused, so horny, so... God... fuck...

Lincoln screeched, "Kill yourself, fatnigger!"

But Luan didn't listen.

She walked over to suicide bitch, and she ran her hands on her hips. She rubbed her face on the girl's ass.

"Oh God, Leni, please... please eat a bag of chips. A whole cake. Please, fuck..."

Lincoln was really starting to get pissed off.

"KILL YOURSELF LUAN"

God, what the fucking hell was wrong with his fucking family!?

COULDN'T THEY SEE HE WAS GOD'S FUCKING GIFT TO MANKIND!?

Sam walked into the doorway right at that moment.

And no.

She wasn't looking for a lameass lamp that no one remembered or cared about.

She only had eyes for Lincoln.

"Hey, hetshit, drink rat poison."

Like the creaking of rusty gears, his head turned toward the unwanted intruder.

Lola got off the couch, covering up her privates with her hands so that way the rents-slash-jannies don't ground her for three days, and rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I'll be back later on."

Lincoln began dry heaving, gasping for air. The veins in his face popping out. His whole body turning red.

No one could make out what he said that day. And not one damn person ever cared.

With a smirk, Sam shook her ass at him as he was screeching so loud Mr. Grouse reported them to the authorities.

"Stupid, Lincoln fag."

And like that, she was gone.

But Lincoln wouldn't stop.

He scoured around the whole house.

Screeching and throwing his hands everywhere.

HOW FUCKING DARE ANYONE THINK THE SISTERS ARE CARPET MUNCHING LEZZ SUCKERS!?

 _THEY ALL BELONG TO HIM!_

Eventually, he got tired, and his mom told him to go to bed.

And he tried to resist, but the thirty year old high school drop out had no choice but to head down into the basement and go to sleep.

"Fucking yurifag," could be heard faintly through his loud snores.

In this curious allotted time, came a small creature from the ground.

She was tiny. Smol. Bite sized. Loved by all.

It was Lana!

And she started dancing.

For no other reason than that it was LANA HOURS!

 **WOOO!**

Literally out of nowhere, almost like magic...

Hands sprouted from the walls and reached toward her.

And they patted her on the head.

And on the stomach.

And her legs.

Her arms.

Her coochie.

Her neck.

And Lana loved it.

She was being adored by everyone.

At least, until this faceless man stepped into the room.

Tall, green, unloved by anyone and desperate for attention.

He had waited until this perfect time.

When everyone was worshiping a single entity.

And he would stand alone, as their only enemy. So they would have no choice but to reply to him, and give him the attention he desperately craved.

"Fuck off, Lananiggers," he spoke to the hands.

But Lana only danced harder.

She started stripping off her clothes.

Rita glared at her, her eyes narrowing...

But Lana only wiggled her butt faster.

"Kill yourself, Lanafag," the anonymous hater spoke again.

This continued for an ungodly amount of time.

Six hours later, the room was quiet again.

Then, from out of nowhere, this Japanese looking self-insert original character walked into the doorway.

He had super long eyelashes, sparkly eyes, long black hair in a ponytail, a super long sweater that went six inches past his fingertips, shorts, and tennis shoes.

He gave the room a bright smile, like the cozy little faggot he is, and bounced around carrying a picture.

He pinned the picture to the fridge, and stood on top of the living room table.

"Hey! Do you guys wanna talk to me about the time I was-"

Lola was there.

"No."

Lynn came out of nowhere.

"Oh fucking God, not this faggot again."

The asian fag never lost his smile tho. And he talked anyway.

And the longer he talked, the more sisters came just to tell him to drink bleach.

It was amusing really.

Suddenly, he asked where Luna was at.

And the lamp came back to life, but no one paid it any mind because Lunafags are dead, fuck off.

There was a noise in the kitchen.

Only one sister decided to look.

And there was Lori.

With crazy looking eyes.

Her shorts and panties were around her ankles.

And she was jilling herself in front of literally everyone as she touched the picture.

It was a drawing of Leni in a sexy ass outfit.

Lori's knees were shaking. She couldn't breathe! God! She had to tell literally everyone how horny she was!

She was screaming her moans out to the whole house!

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she turned around.

And the blonde's breath caught.

It was a man, wearing Leni's dress and her hair.

Oh God...

"H-hey, I... I like seeing how horny you are. Can I... can I fuck you raw?"

Oh God... _yes!_

Lori didn't even wait.

She was already on the counter, with her legs around the guy's neck, as he ate her out.

She couldn't even hear the people telling her to drink bleach as she proved how much of a slut she was for Leni.

" _FUCK ME!_ "

Unfortunately, her screams woke up Lincoln.

And soon, the boy was stomping down the stairs.

And as soon as he saw the happy go lucky Jap on the table, his anger flared and he stared dancing around like a chimpanzee, screeching and throwing stuff fucking everywhere.

As Lincoln was screaming, there was a knock at the door.

He stepped over to it, opened it.

Some dude with a shield over his head was there, holding a blowtorch.

"Hey! Wanna talk about welding with me?"

Lincoln gave him a deadpan.

"Fuck off and die."

And slammed the door in his face.

While they were all doing their own thing, making a huge noise.

Sex and screaming and moans and wailing.

There was suddenly several spics in the living room.

A girl holding a pic of a nude Lola.

A dude holding a pic of Lori with her chubby belly spilling out over her shorts.

Luan came crawling toward the dude, running her tongue over the precious bubbly fat on the pic.

Lola appeared from nowhere, running her hands on the chubby cheeks (the back cheeks) of her portrait.

For a moment, everyone forgot that Lori was sexing a complete stranger dressed in drag, but that was ok.

Lori only needed one thing and one thing only.

" _FUCK ME, LENI LOUD!_ "

Ronnie Anne was suddenly sitting on the couch beside the Lolafag.

Breathing heavily as she looked at the Lola nude.

"Oh fuck that's good..."

Literally everyone turned on her.

"Hey, spic, how does it feel knowing I'll never pound your diseased pussy?" asked Lincoln, as he walked behind Lynn and started humping her for no other reason than he's fucking Lincoln Loud.

The trap eventually got bored and left, and Lincoln made sure to turn mid-fuck to screech once more at him as he left the house.

Things were really turning into a shitshow, but this was normal.

Things have to _really_ get bad before things are really bad.

You dig?

Just at that time, an OC walks into the room.

Wide-eyed, confused, wondering why the hell he was in someone else's house...

This boy...

Named Lemy Loud...

Was literally dropped into the room for no other reason than to cause mass chaos and biblically epic autism.

He sat there and cowered as the sisters and Lincoln (everyone except Lori who was working on her third orgasm to Leni) began screeching at him.

He turned and saw Lori still fucking the Lenifag, and he saw a sparkle of hope.

"Lori! Please, come back home with me! I miss you so much!"

Lori moaned long and lecherously.

Sadly, she couldn't hear anything but the sound of how fucking good Leni was railing her with her dick.

Lincoln was hyperventilating, he was screaming that loudly.

Luan, Lynn, the lamp, the twins, everyone...

The whole room was so furious, so ungodly angry, so determined to kill Lemy-

It was in that moment that a picture of Leni was stamped to the wall.

And thirty seconds later, there was another picture.

Lori shoved her partner away, and came crawling to the living room on her dirty hands and knees, not caring who could see how wet she was, how fucked she was in her slutty hole...

Lori looked around in wonder, even as the whole room groaned, as two pictures became twenty, then a hundred.

Until she could only see Leni.

And her heart stopped, and she fell to the ground.

And literally no one cared that she died.

Lincoln huffed.

"Fucking bomber."

Lola growled and decided to pick up the phone, and placed an order.

Lincoln rolled his eyes and went to the window.

Next door, a brand new house suddenly appeared out of thin air.

He looked at the watch.

"7? Really? We don't fucking make new ones until 10, retard."

Lola flipped him off.

"Drink bleach, incestfag."

Whatever.

Soon enough they all went over to the new house anyway.

Everyone but Lori.

Who stayed behind to cherish the last few moments of Leni heaven before a wrecking ball literally destroyed the entire building, with her still inside.

In the new house, Lincoln was busy already humping Lucy.

Lola was sitting on the table, her legs spread wide, and staring at her pussy.

"I wonder if I can pee in my own hole..."

She looked at Lincoln.

"Doesn't that sound hot? Peeing in your sister's hole?"

The lamp started to move, and there was this brunette there that no one could remember the name of.

"Hey bro, what did I miss?"

Lincoln finished plowing the goth shit and dropped her like the submissive cum rag she is.

"Nothing. Just another day in the Loud House General."


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Notes:**

The first was a request written for Bell over a year ago. The second was a dare of sorts on Discord half a year ago. And the last one was a rough draft I wrote down when I was having a strong depressive episode. So, uh, the last one is fairly rough and... insane.

 _Enjoy~_

Disclaimer: _The Loud House_ Copyright Nickelodeon (2019)

* * *

 _The Best In Us_

The great thing about backstages is that you can find a secluded corner and lean against the wall until your girlfriend is done with her miming act.

Maggie was making good use of her corner, hiding under the shade of a tree in some random customer's backyard. She sighed as she held her hand up to her forehead to block stray rays of sunlight out of her eyes. She heard the crowd behind her gasp in delight, and she smiled.

She was proud of Luan. She was amazed at how the girl could take anyone, no matter whom they were, and make them feel wonderful and special; to make those feelings bubble up into laughter and smiles.

There was a time when Maggie didn't think she'd find a reason to smile again.

There was a time when laughter sounded painful to her ears.

But one fateful birthday party… one mime routine that spoke to her deepest worries… one girl, that somehow reached inside of Maggie and pulled a tiny smile onto her lips.

That was Luan Loud, and Maggie loved her for better or worse.

Next to her, a girl sighed.

Maggie turned and watched a dark-skinned girl flip her black ponytail from one shoulder to the other. The younger girl shoved her hands deep into her purple hoodie's pockets.

Maggie wasn't sure what to think of her, to be honest.

And then, they heard the crowd cheer, and Maggie saw the girl pump a fist in her pocket and woot.

"Way to go, Lame-o," said Ronnie Anne to no one in particular.

This girl was much like Maggie; both refused to show their emotions in public. Both made for themselves a steely exterior that was bumpy and cold and unwelcoming.

Maggie reached a hand out and waved at the girl.

"Hey."

Luan's brother brought out the best in his girlfriend, just as Luan brought out the best in Maggie.

Ronnie Anne glanced at the emo before nodding her head.

"What's up?"

And Ronnie Anne made that boy tougher and more focused; more attentive and understanding of others' feelings. This girl had much to give her boyfriend, including a gentle heart hiding behind an iron wall.

It made Maggie think about what she had to offer Luan… it made her think about why Luan loved her; and how to return that love.

"Do you wanna hang out after?"

The ponytailed girl turned to face her, her lips in that instinctual scowl she'd grown so used to showing the world. She looked at Maggie, and wiped her brow with her hand.

"Sure, wanna get smoothies?"

Maggie gave her a tiny smile.

The crowd cheered as the act drew to a finish.

"I'd like that."

* * *

 _Cam Girl_

Leni opened up the door to Lincoln's bedroom.

Her panties were already soaked.

She'd been thinking about this moment all day at work.

She'd already taken off her dress, tossing it down in the hallway.

She literally gave no fucks about who would see her.

The blonde had a deep purring itch in her little no no spot, and she needed it scratched now.

She shut the door behind her and locked it.

A wide, sultry grin was on her face.

"Mmmm~" she moaned as she sauntered over to the desk and set down in the chair.

Her manicured nails flipped open her brother's laptop. It growled as it slowly came to life.

She was getting impatient though.

Her fingers, tipped with mint green paint, dipped inside her panties and started fingering herself.

Leni entered the password, and waited for the home screen to come up.

She wasted little time in bringing up Discord.

She logged out of her brother's account, but not before noticing he had a dozen unread messages from Lynn. All of them pictures.

Nekkid pictures.

Some of them with Lucy, too.

Fuck, that made her wetter.

She typed in her own info and watched the weird face-controller thingy dance and spin.

Gosh, she was getting really impatient.

She was really horny.

Flick~ her thumb bumped her clit, and she rocked her hips on the chair.

She bit her lip, her long blonde hair falling down around her breasts.

She hurried and went to her own message circle thingy.

She went to the one that was a picture of herself.

Her cheeks were red at this point; her breasts heaving for oxygen.

She joined the server and typed out a real quick message.

"Ur leni is here n shes really horny."

She set up her brother's webcam as the server suddenly came to life.

She got the tag to move to a chat group video thingy.

Leni's hands went up her stomach, cupping her breasts and squeezing them together.

"LOUD!" yelled one bald man in glasses, "You make me feel young again."

"Damn, Loud, no wonder your brother always walks into my store bowlegged as a fucked bitch," the middle aged man leaned toward his cam, toying with his greasy mustache. "I'll give you a free Flippy if you call me 'Daddy' again~"

Some random guy she didn't know was sitting up, tugging at his biker jacket. He pulled his sunglasses up, revealing another pair just underneath. "Dayum you are one fine dime, baby."

And finally, the one she was waiting on all day.

A half dozen elderly people were crowded in Pop Pop's bedroom, all of them staring right at her young, nubile body. Her grandpa leaned back and sighed. "There ain't anything prettier than one of my girls. Wouldn't you agree?"

He turned to Scoots, whom was staring at the screen just right beside him, an eyebrow quirked and a bored frown on her face.

"Meh."

* * *

 _One Too Many_

Leni has been spending extra time around Lori, Lynn, and Lincoln, but never together.

That continues until the three start noticing, independently, that she's acting awkward and shy around each one... like she's crushing on them.

Leni woos each one in a unique way, completely different from how she does the other two.

In the following months, each sibling begins to respond to Leni.

They still don't realize she is wooing all three at the same time.

One day, Leni is on a "date" with Lori, and they're having a good time.

On the way home, someone veers off the road as they walk on the sidewalk.

Leni barely manages to save Lori's life. Grabbing her and pulling away.

On her next "date," this time with Lynn, Leni follows her into the girls locker room (like she's totes been doing for a long time~)

Lynn goes about her normal routine, repeating every single step without thought.

She's based this routine on superstition, she never deviated. Ever.

Leni sits down at a bench as she waits.

Her hand reaches into her purse.

She picks up another water.

Unscrews the cap.

She reaches into her purse again and takes out a bottle.

She hums as she dumps out a little water.

She giggles as she pours in a little of the colorless liquid.

She closes it and gives it a shake.

She leans into her seat and starts talking to a bird that has just landed into her lap.

"Awww!"

It was a brownish bird.

"You look just like my sister, Lynn!"

She looks both ways. Her eyes narrowing as she shared a devious secret.

"Don't tell anyone this... but I love her~"

The bird flies off as a newcomer approaches.

Leni turns her head and stiffens.

What is Lori doing there!?

"Hi, honey, are you ready to get started?"

...started?

"Uh... L-Lori... wha-"

Lori smiles as she lifts up her purse.

"I can't wait to try out that new restaurant!"

Leni watches as her sister searches for something.

...restaurant?

"Lori... w-where's Lynn?"

Lori mutters a curse as she slaps her purse down on her lap.

"The heck do I know?"

She gives up searching with a huff.

"Dang, I forgot to bring a water... do you have one I can use?"

Leni's hands twitch.

Her face pinkens.

She's waiting to start her date with Lynn...

She looks at Lori.

She reaches into her purse.

There's something... truly disturbing...

That she'd realized not too long ago.

Lincoln was trying to woo her. Trying to steal her away from Lynn.

And now?

Lori was coming onto her... right as she was waiting for her lover to show up!

Her eyes darken as she grabs that bottle of water.

All she wants...

Is to live a nice, happy life with Lynn.

She can't understand-

Why won't they just let her be?

She lifts the bottle.

"Here, Lori."

She had snuck into Lisa's room yesterday.

She was looking for something that would make Lincoln stop.

She didn't want to hurt him.

Just something to... to make him forget? Or adjust his interests?

Don't know-

So, she grabbed a nice and clear one.

She was always told that clear instructions were the best and easiest to use, so a clear liquid would be the best and easiest on her brother. Like water!

Harmless.

And it would make him go away.

She watches Lori take a sip.

The moments pass.

Lori grabs her stomach.

"L-Leni... w-we might have to cancel our-" she groans, doubling over.

"C-call someone..."

Leni gasps as her sister falls over.

She grabs her phone.

She looks at Lori.

She tilts her head.

It's just clear and easy.

Like water, right?

It's not going to hurt Lori

She only... drank too much... she feels sick... like when you drink too much water.

She puts her phone back away.

"L-Le-eni..."

The blonde girl turns away.

She blinks.

She starts walking, going extra careful with her crutches.

She smiles as she sees a cloud floating over head.

She sighs dreamily.

It reminds her of Lincy~

When is he going to get here for their date?

She sees something yellow pass by.

And her heart darkens.

She sniffs.

Lately...

She had noticed something awful about Lori.

...she couldn't shake the feeling that Lori didn't want them to be together!

Lori was spending lots of time with her lately! Almost... almost like she was trying to date her!

Eugh.

She can't date anyone else tho!

She loves her Lincy!

She wonders around for a few moments.

Her sister just-

She needs to...

Just let things go.

Hmm.

And when her dad wants them to let things go?

He always says to knock it off.

But she never understood what that meant.

Until one day she was walking in the park with Lynn.

And Lynn took a baseball bat and swung it as haaaard as she could at a tree.

The cute little mouse laughed.

"That's how you knock it off!"

She was adorable.

But it answered Leni's question.

She doesn't have a bat though.

She reaches into her purse-

But she does have a rock.

A little round stone with a sharp edge.

She doesn't know how hard you have to-

Knocking something off-

To let it go...

But she figures she'd have to try really hard.

Hmm.

She gets out her phone and texts Lincy.

can u meet me?

Of course he says yes!

She finds a bench, and sits down.

She hums as a little golden bird lands in her lap.

She bites her lip and blushes.

She twists her legs.

She moans.

She remembers how Lori had paid her extra special attention the night she came home with her cast.

She sighs with a dopey grin.

She reaches into her purse and feels around for a ring.

She blushes as she slips it on.

She'd spent the last few weeks trying to find the perfect set.

She was sure it was stupid.

But she wanted to propose to Lori.

She just... she didn't want to get rejected…

So, she'd taken to asking Lincy for advice, you know?

Like, Lori was totes the most perfect person in the world~

But-

Then, she started noticing him looking at her...

At Leni...

Not at Lori.

At first she thought it was cute.

But then she started noticing Lynn looking at her, too.

And the she got really concerned.

She didn't know what to do.

All she wanted...

Was to marry Lori and live happily ever after.

But she started to fret over it.

She started becoming maybe just a little scared.

She became jumpy.

Started seeing spiders where there weren't any.

Started feeling itches where nothing was touching.

She tried to talk to Lori about it, but she was too worried.

She didn't want to make herself sound like... like a freak.

Lori doesn't deserve a freak for her wife.

But the longer things went on...

The worse her thoughts became.

She sees a bit of brown approaching.

Her heart spikes.

W-what is Lynn doing there!?

...why is she crying!?

Is it because... because she is-

...she must have asked Lori for her.

And she is coming to tell her the bad news.

Lori won't want a freak like her...

Her eyes tear up as she reaches inside her purse.

Lynn ruined it for her...

She must have told Lori that she got scared too easy.

She knocks a bottle of clear liquid out of the way.

Lynn jumped the gun and now her whole future was gone.

She knocks a rock out of the way.

She didn't know what to do...

Until she saw Lincoln watching an "oldie" where a man saves his bride from the bad guys with a gun.

And they lived...

Happily ever after...

Leni wants that.

She wants it so bad it hurt.

Lynn is standing before her, crying and wiping her face.

Her cheeks are red.

"I can't believe..."

"I can't believe you would say that to me! After all I've done for you!"

Leni narrows her eyes as her hand finds what she's feeling for.

"You ruined it, Lynn. You ruined any chance I had for happiness."

The younger girl draws up her fists, shaking in fury.

"What is your fucking problem!?"

Leni's hand tightens around steel.

"You."


End file.
